When WeWork Loop-holed Copy Room Romances
Thanks for complicating the already complicated, Neumann.
“Don’t shit where you eat,” my dad always told me, “it never ends well.”
Of course, we’re all aware of this. Going out for drinks with Sarah, Dan, or whoever the hell in the cubicle behind and to the left is rarely a good call.
Either you have a beautiful evening and end up with a workmate, a raunchy night and hear the uplifting rumors the next morning, or the opposite of each, sending your ego down south.
Quite the gamble.
Seeing as this gamble is so high in stakes, the obvious answer is NO; you will not grab a vodka cran with Sarah, an IPA with Ezekiel, or whoever the hell sits right behind and to the left, to fulfill some sick workplace fantasy. You’re better than that.
But what about shitting JUST outside of where you eat?
About a decade ago, this guy Adam Neumann came up with a gorgeous idea: shared workspaces.
Numerous companies with their own rented offices, but all in one building — plus a handful of 1099ers in some private desks. What innovation!
Only, he didn’t see the sexual collateral that he’d go on to create.
Sales reps, marketing folk, and other sex-crazed “professionals” now have the green light to stem outside of their own companies and hunt down prospects within others in the same building.
Little did Neumann know that he’d opened up a loophole to workplace romance.
But by God, his indirect genius is one to behold.
Nowadays, water stations are far wetter than the traditional lip-cracking office small-talk. Coffee machines are hubs for happy hours-turned-hookups. And bathrooms? Soup kitchens for professionals who can’t keep it in their pants.
Reports of orgies in community showers would assumedly drive renters away, but sign-ups have spiked in recent months.
Cleaning fees have shown an expectedly positive correlation.
With this caveat to public work spaces comes the same consequences of a workplace fling-gone-wrong, plus a few square feet. What will you do once it ends with Sarah, Ezekiel, or whatever granola freelancer you’ve chosen to grab an espresso martini with after work?
Surely, your private workspace will become your haven — lest you risk running into them the next time you need a cold brew refill.
If you work in a shared workspace and find excitement in seeing that person at the coffee machine every morning, revel in it.
Appreciate the excitement.
But know that the collateral damage could be great once a trigger is pulled. Do you want a rush of hair-raising anxiety every time you walk outside your office to grab a dose of caffeine?
Some of us don’t mind it. Others avoid it like the plague, wise to the dangers.
As exciting as workplace romances may be and as easy as WeWork made it before its bankruptcy, it’s up to you whether that risky fling is worth walking into work with a spine lined with goosebumps.
Because at the end of the day, Sarah and Ezekiel are still within shitting distance.
The only question is: are you willing to watch it hit the fan?
