I am a sleep addict
From 12 to 15 hours, I sleep. Rest of the time I keep my eyes shut.
People go to jobs every day and work tirelessly to get back home and sleep. I just prefer skipping the middle part and getting straight to sleep. I hear people every day, addicted to drugs like heroin and cocaine making their life miserable. Are they stupid, have they tried the father of these drugs, sleep?
Honestly, if you break it down technically, every addictive drug on earth eventually makes you doze off, even high consumption of sugar lead to a sugar crash. Why spend big bucks on extremely expensive and hard-to-get drugs when you just could sleep for free on the floor or ground even?
Oh, I get it. It’s the stress that keeps people awake at night. I think that’s a load of horse feces. Whenever I am stressed, I curl up in bed, cover my body with a blanket, stick my three toes of the right foot out, and sleep like a baby because that’s what an adult who sleeps for 12 hours a day should be called.
The best part about sleeping in the middle of the day is that you get away from all the responsibilities. Such as appearing in front of the court to defend yourself as a suspected murderer or missing a crucial interview for a job that would pay for your debts and bills.
I once spent 6 days in jail and you know what I did in those 6 days, I slept. The guard even thought I was dead for a second, but then he saw my three toes sticking out. You see the three toes are the universal sign for sleeping. Don’t ever mix the toe numbers up because there might be only one toe that keeps you in bed and not in a grave.
There is a famous childish warning, don’t drink and drive. I laugh at it. Because drinking still keeps you awake enough to drive. What I say is don’t sleep and drive. If you do sleep, try sticking your three toes out of the door for everyone to see.
Uzair Haider is a stand-up comedian and humor writer.
Freelance work: uzairihaider@gmail.com
Instagram: uzairiwrites
