The Haven
Published in

The Haven

I Am Bill Gates’ Penis

And boy is he mad at me.

I can’t really blame him. I suppose I am the most expensive penis there ever was. I mean, how much did my bad behavior cost poor Bill? Many billions of dollars, no doubt. Some huge ranches. Some big boats, I bet. All this stuff he has had to give to his wife in the divorce.

But most of all, I cost him that priceless possession that he had worked so hard to…



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Clem Samson

Essayist, humorist, satirist, funny-ist, poetist, fictionalist, fabulist, quizzist, journalist. Creative Writing Prof at Harvard College, Duluth, Minnesota.