I Am COVID-19
I Am COVID-19 and I Am Crushing Hard on the Tennessee State Legislature Right Now
“Tennessee’s vaccine manager says she’s worried for her state after she was fired” –CNN, July 13, 2021
Guys. Can I just tell you that I have never, ever felt more SEEN than I do now? This is, like, an epic love story in the making. Move over Romeo and Juliet, make room for us. COVID-19 and the Tennessee state legislature.
No one, and I mean NO ONE has ever worked so hard to make my life easier.
It is so incredibly gratifying! After so much heartbreak and disappointment…don’t even get me STARTED on the Vermont state legislature. What a bunch of jerks. Keeping tabs on where I went, who I was spending time with; always tearing me down. It gets old, you know? It feels so good to be with a legislature who puts MY needs first, over their stupid constituents and their bratty kids.
The TN legislature didn’t just invite me in, they really made me feel like this is MY home too.
And I feel so at home here! The TN legislature didn’t just invite me in, they really made me feel like this is MY home too. I can go anywhere I want any time, and infect whoever I please, no questions asked. The TN legislature would never belittle my dreams (looking at you Massachusetts state legislature). Quite the contrary, the TN Legislature actually supports my passions and encourages me to mutate and multiply to my heart’s content. It is so freeing! You know, they say home isn’t really a place, it’s a person, or in my case, a legislature.
And loyal? You haven’t seen loyal until you’ve seen how the TN legislature treats me. I mean, they’re truly in my corner. You should have heard how that skank ‘vaccine czar’ Michelle Fiscus was trash talking me. What did the TN Legislature do? They got her FIRED. You heard me, that’s POWER. And it’s intoxicating.
And it didn’t just stop with her! They literally will not hear a bad word about me; that’s right, they won’t stand for anyone even discussing me. Look, I haven’t always been a perfect angel, I’ll be the first to admit it. I’ve been demonized A LOT in the past, sometimes fairly, but sometimes not, okay? But here…with the TN legislature? They are genuinely looking out for my best interests as a virus. I mean, have you ever heard anything so noble? I feel like I’m in a fairy tale!
The TN legislature just makes me feel so safe, you know? I just feel like I can finally exhale and stop hustling all the time…I feel so supported and yet at the same time so free…does that even make sense? Sorry, I’m just overwhelmed with how NEW this all is, and how wonderful! I feel so special, and so loved, for the first time ever, really! No other state has ever made me feel this way.
And, okay, not to put the cart before the horse or anything, but we’re talking about more variants. I know! Don’t say anything yet, I mean it! It’s still early days yet, but…things are looking good.
