Humoronia

I Climbed A Huge Mountain In The Pyrenees To Lick A Psychedelic Toad

And all I got was this boring man in tights who calls himself a Prince!

Photo by Laura Seaman on Unsplash

My friends and I used to do this all the time back in the states. There is a toad in the desert called the Colorado River Toad whose venom contains DMT. It’s quite a trip, lemme tell ya.

Anyhow, I was telling my girlfriend in Barcelona about it, and she replied, “Oh we have a toad even better than that up in the mountains of Catalunia. We must go and lick this toad. It is amazing!”

Well, I was down, of course.

I had already experienced oceanic ecstasy on the Colorado River Toad’s milk, and I was thinking these Euro toads might take me even higher. I read this thing about the Euro toad by a Czech psychonaut named Stanislav Grof. “Experiencing 5-MeO-DMT is this amazing feeling of ‘oceanic bliss,” she said. “By experiencing this profound connection with the universe and all living beings, one gets the feeling that we’re incredibly lucky to have even been birthed on this beautiful planet.”

Well, can I just say, I experienced the total opposite? I feel incredibly UNLUCKY right now and I wish a certain animated cartoon fucking prince would LEAVE ME THE HELL alone cause he is…