And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance…I hope you daaaaaance!
I Found a Dance Costume Catalogue From the 1970s and You Bet Your Ass I’m Making Content Out Of It!
Sequins! Feathers! Racism! This baby’s got it all!
After having oodles of fun reviewing a Wunderbar German Macramé guide, I knew I’d be down for a sequel if the stars eventually aligned again.
What I did not know was that eventually would end up being less than a month later.
I swear none of this has been orchestrated. I have no way of proving it to you, of course, but you’ve gotta believe me!
Yet another book similar to the last one, found just as serendipitously? the skeptical among you may ask.
A second book from the 1970s, also involving fabrics and filled with stupid-looking photos that can easily be exploited for comedic purposes??
What are the odds?
I get it. I do. It sounds farfetched. I joked about virality in the macramé piece, so sure, this could be my cynical attempt at going viral by documenting myself “finding” a new weird thing I actually planted.
But, simply put, I love book exchange boxes. I check the ones in my area all the time — virtually every time I leave the house. The discovery of two odd, arguably cringe books in rapid succession is merely the result of this obsessive love. There is no deeper conspiracy.
Besides, in a sea of online videos like “Karen, Mental Health Crisis or Clout Goblin?: Volume DCCLXXXV” and “The Ukulele Incident” , who would ever seriously believe a post on Medium about moderately silly dance costumes and accessories from a severely mildew-scented copy of an old catalogue could gain any traction in the first place?
If countless views were really my goal, I’d be doing a poor job of it (lol.)
Now, without further delay, allow me to present the best of the best — and the worst of the worst — from Leo The Dancing Lion’s Costume Originals (circa 1970).
We begin with the company logo. It repels and attracts in equal measure.
Is it kinda cute? Yes.
Is it kinda awful? Yes.
Do I understand why a man called Leo would use a lion as part of his branding? Yes.
Is it still a confusing choice in many ways? Yes.
Is this a business that sells dancewear, specifically? Yes.
Are lions specifically known for dancing? No.
Why is Leo the Dancing Lion’s crown so droopy? Not a clue.
Ah yes, the three genders:
Am I taking a Rorschach test right now?
Ok, I have no sassy comment to insert here. Space Pouf is pretty cute.
The pickings were slim for the furries of yesteryear.
Why does this look like a trilobite trace fossil??
Hmm, what culture shall I put on for shits and giggles today?!
Yeah, I liked Midsommar too.
The preferred statement piece for every 1 out 5 sloshed, sunburnt white people attending outdoor musical festivals in 2014:
I admire the guts it took to advertise this item as both a ho-down hat and a witch hat when it was clearly neither. Also, what the fuck is a ho-down hat??
Quick!
Which of these girls —
A) Went down the Almost Famous route, slept with every member of CCR and spent the entire summer of '71 wearing the same suede fringed vest top?
B) Went on to become grandmas who are no longer allowed to see their grandkids because they spend 80% of their days on Facebook, posting in groups with names like If Donald Trump Was My Husband, I’d Cook Him a Ribeye Steak Every Single Night?
This is extra special since it does not resemble a frog in any way, shape, or form.
Gross indeed.
Rainbow Fancy Pants sounds like the made-up name of a made-up drag queen in a made-up story by Ron DeSantis, wherein he personally blocked the entrance to a library with his highly masculine, non-meatball body so that THE GROOMER couldn’t enter to defile the children by reading The Little Prince to them. A true patriot!
The Leftoid media would shit, piss and cry if a classroom in America today tried to reintroduce dunce caps, even though my father spent most of his school days having to wear one, and I turned out perfectly fine!!! #ProtectTradition #ToughenUpSnowflakes
There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to… The Outer Limits.
Look, I might be able to accept a ho-down/witch hat which fails to succeed in being either of those things (mainly because a ho-down hat is not a thing that has ever existed), but you c a n n o t tell me that this isn’t just Space Pouf without the pouf!
What’s so wrong with gender roles? I’d absolutely love to return to an era when men went out to earn money and we a d u l t h u m a n f e m a l e s stayed home, put sand buckets on our heads, threw on a record of famous marching band music and paraded merrily from room to room while ignoring our children’s nasal whining for Swiss N’ Ham Flings.
Jesus Christ!
The names of costumes or of recent AVN Award winners??
(You: Um, didn’t you already make a joking reference/comparison to an award show in your commentary on the macramé book? Isn’t it kinda lazy to do it again, just slightly differently?
Me: 🖕 )
Nope. Not convinced these aren’t porno movie titles.
…But hey, at least I get a shout-out
