Member-only story
I gave up my fish tail for human legs but Harry Styles still rejected me. Then he stole my look for his new music video.
I’m a modern fish-woman. I knew I couldn’t just wait around under the sea for Harry Styles to come to me. Besides, men aren’t mind readers. How was he supposed to know that his dream Merwoman was watching him day and night from the sewage system?
The first thing I had to do was find a way to trade my fish tail for legs. I went to see our local Octowitch and she did a lot of cackling and singing but eventually traded me a potion for my whale blubber shirt. Like I’d even need that where I was going, up to the surface where the sun, rather than whale fat, will give me sweet sweet warmth.
I wandered around Los Angeles with a water tank on my head, looking for Harry at all of his hangouts I’ve strung together from my stalking and his songs. People stare at me as I pass them on the street, eyes bulging, jaws dropping, like they’ve never seen a Merwoman who recently got human legs and needs to carry around a water tank so she doesn’t suffocate before.
Finally, I see Harry. He smiles with his mouth and breathes easily through his nose. I watch him go into a cafe and order a vegan latte. I love everything about him. I knew I had to make my move. I couldn’t keep sleeping in puddles hoping to get…