I Got Punched in the Face in Shanghai
Did I deserve it? Probably.
Shanghai is an interesting place, especially during a national holiday. I traveled there for the weeklong Labor Day festival from April to May 2021. Where I met my longtime World of Warcraft friend Chris.
Chris and I became friends by talking about the NBA and college basketball through the game. Once I quit a few months later, we kept talking on WeChat.
We decided to go out on a sunny, 30-degree day to a public park to play some pickup. Little did I know, I was about to get punched in the face.
The Build-Up
I’m a huge basketball fan. I’ve played and watched since I was little, so I like to think my skills are slightly above the average player.
One thing I know I am better at than most anyone is shit-talking. I relish saying the stupidest and most irritating things to piss whoever is guarding me off (within reason). The reason I like to do this? Simple, it makes the game way more fun for me!
Playing at a big park with around 100 spectators, I was ready to let the verbal assault fly. Little did I know there was the man with pride the size of an elephant and the dick of a fly on the other team.
There was no MMA or boxing match-like staredown, press conference, or anything cool like that, which was pretty disappointing.
The Fateful Moment
It was a heated game. I wasn’t playing exceptionally well, so I was talking more than normal to cover up my own insecurities. Which is when I blocked the shit out of the biggest guy on the other team.
Not just a block, more like a spike. LeBron 2008 Olympics vs. Angola. Hinata Shoyo from Haikyuu. Mutombo-type shit. Then I made a mistake.
“Get that shit the fuck outta here”
This is where two destinies of people’s pride clashed. My first and only good play of the day finally made me not want to crawl into a hole and die, compared to the blocked man’s ego shriveling up like his shrimp dick.
“What the fuck did you say?”
Ahh, he must have not heard me!
“I said, get that shi-”
Boom, hook to the jaw. I was too surprised to do anything, I started laughing because I didn’t know what to do. My friend Chris started charging him from the other side of the court, where our teammates grabbed him and calmed him down.
The crowd booed mercilessly. I continued to unleash absolutely unbridled wrath from my mouth, spitting faster than Twista can rap “Mista Tongue Twista”.
This punch gave me the energy I needed to step up my game for this all-important Saturday afternoon game of pickup. I finally dialed it in and made a performance anyone would be proud of.
Final Score:
Our team: 4. Small dick guy’s team: 11.
