I Have Never Watched The Bachelor or The Bachelorette and Yes, I Deserve a Medal

What I would watch is Resting Bitch Face Bachelorette.

This is not me.

Imagine how hard it would be for a man to pick out which Resting Bitch Face he wants to have little Resting Bitch Face babies with. I would watch the hell out of that show. I would also qualify to be on that show as I have been told to SMILE! approximately four zillion times while simply walking down the street or trying to smother a man who wakes me up by snoring.

When you’re a young woman you smile because you have no idea how much bullshit awaits your entrance into dotage, also referred to as your declining years, advanced age, or the horrifying Ma’am Years. Then you hit the tipping point of 50 and realize there is nothing to smile about except hoping Medicare is still available when you hit 65. Or as the Republicans have threatened, 97.

Still not me.

Actress Kristen Stewart, of Twilight fame, is usually photographed with a semi permanent scowl. And the Internet Smile-Shames her for it over and over. The Ranker website rated her the #1 celebrity who never smiles. In close succession are Kanye West and Sean Penn. But the Internet doesn’t care if a male celebrity doesn’t smile. Do they have a working penis? Enough said.