I Mastered The Art of Small Talk And Here’s How

Small talk is not a small skill to have. In fact, it’s crucial for navigating the intricate dance of social interaction and building bridges across diverse backgrounds. Most people hate small talk, especially introverts. We’ve all been in that awkward and weird situation where you and a complete stranger are at some place and you have nothing to say or bring up. While both of you might not see the need to strike up a conversation, it is important to know that big relationships are built on small talk.

I always hated the idea of small talk. I found the very notion of small talk repugnant. Words to me were to remain in my mind as thoughts and ideas and not exchanges about the weather or an episode of some popular TV show. The day I realised the value of friendship was the moment I knew how important small talk was. I’m not going to bore you with the definition of what small talk is. Here is how I mastered the art of small talk by learning a few simple techniques and phrases which always gave me a positive first impression.

Show a genuine interest

The secret to this technique is to make the person feel important. People love to talk about themselves because it’s much easier. I mean, would you rather talk about someone else’s opinion on a film or your own opinion on it? Make the person feel like the most important person in the world at that moment and you have bought yourself a few minutes away from awkward silence. So, the next time you’re at a party feeling like you’re socially malnourished or gasping for conversational air, remember to pick up a conversation with someone and ask questions about themselves and notice how they have a lot to say.

Ask exploratory questions

This is the most important rule of small talk. I have no idea why I didn’t put it as the first. This rule is so important because if you miss it you would wish you hadn’t engaged the person. NEVER ASK LEADING QUESTIONS!!

Most leading questions will be followed by a one-word answer. This is what you must avoid. One-word answers not only bring down your morale but the person you’re conversing with at this point is slowly realising how boring you are. Don’t ask “What are your hobbies?” That’s boring and lame. Instead ask “What’s one thing you’re passionate about that most people don’t know about you?” Exploratory questions force people to actually think; No more autopilot “fine” or “good” responses. They have to engage their brain muscles. This is what you want.

Asking exploratory questions is a good way to find some hidden facts about the other person. Your neighbour might reveal to you in the course of dialogue that he eats rats for dinner. Who knew? Small talk is basically a treasure hunt for unexpected interests. Sometimes, the funniest things come from someone’s awkward attempt to answer an open-ended question. Imagine the hilarity of someone trying to explain how they started eating rats for dinner (bonus point if they invite you for dinner!).

Be a good listener

Small talk is that delightful dance of pretending we’re all fascinating creatures worthy of each other’s precious moments. But to truly master this art form, you need one crucial skill: being a phenomenal listener. Why? Because, well, let’s just say the alternative is pure comedic gold. Here are my steps to mastering the art of listening without falling asleep:

• Repeat back the last sentence with increasing levels of excitement, just to make sure you actually heard it. What this does is that it lets the other person know you’re listening and ensures what you heard is right.
• Try to make eye contact at least 50% of the time. This forces you to listen and lets the person know you’re interested.
• If you’re like me, withhold your judgement and stereotypes. Nobody likes to be judged.
• Become a human emoji. Nodding not enough? Master the full repertoire of facial expressions — wide-eyed surprise, furrowed-brow concern, even the occasional tear of sympathy (for particularly dramatic stories, or your own boredom).

If you want to be great at small talk then you must improve your listening skills, because people love to be listened to. Let them do the talking and just sit back and observe.

Keep in mind that practice makes perfect. The more you engage in these weird small talks with strangers the more comfortable you will become over time. The next time you find yourself trapped in the vortex of small talk, take a deep breath and embrace the absurdity. Laugh at the awkwardness, marvel at the unexpected connections, and remember, sometimes, the best stories start with a mumbled weather observation and a slightly deranged smile.

So next time you’re tempted to clam up with a stranger, remember; big things come in small packages, and big friendships start with small talk.