I, Mayor McCheese, Deeply Regret My Dinner at The French Laundry
Fellow citizens of McDonaldland, I want to apologize to you for attending the ill-conceived yet delicious dinner with representatives of Big Hamburger at Napa Valley’s outrageously expensive Michelin-starred restaurant, the French Laundry.
Yes, I know that just hours before my French Laundry dinner, I had advised residents of McDonaldland to only socialize with others in their franchise. I simply did not think that this dinner would contradict my advice. This was a small, intimate dinner with representatives of McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, Sonic, Jack-in-the-Box, Carl’s Jr., Five Guys, In-n-Out, Shake Shack, White Castle, Whataburger, Hardee’s, the Habit Burger, along with our “casual dining” friends from Applebee’s, Chili’s, Red Robin, Outback Steakhouse and IHOP, plus their spouses and condiments.
At the event, my family followed all protocols. Mrs. McCheese and I were able to acquire masks from the Hamburglar which we only removed when we were dining on our $350 per person prix fixe meal and quaffing local wines. We also borrowed Ronald’s giant clown shoes to ensure that we remained properly socially distanced from other attendees.
In addition, Napa was only subject to mustard level restrictions and had not entered the ketchup zone at the time of the event. Consistent with…
