I Still Don’t Want To Hang Out With You Guys
It’s been 13 long months since we’ve been able to hang out. We haven’t grabbed a beer, a coffee or participated in any other beverage related outings. We haven’t gone dutch on a lunch or dinner. We haven’t pretended not to be competitive while bowling. I really wish I could say that all of this makes me sad, but if I’m being totally honest, it doesn’t.
Now I know, that can make it sound like I don’t value our friendship and let me tell you I do. I value our friendship more than I will ever be able to tell you without all of us breaking down into a blubbering mess of tears and snot. I, as I became aware through my recent pandemic discovery, am one of those rare individuals who can both simultaneously value our friendship and never desire to see you in person again. Apparently those two feelings are not mutually exclusive in my world.
I recall in my youth spending quite a bit of time playing at being antisocial, apparently, it stuck and has been laying dormant all these years, waiting for the opportune moment to rise to the surface and become my dominant personality trait again. So as we vaccinate and restrictions get lifted, please don’t take it personally as I reject your overtures to return our lives to the way they once were. I have become too fond of not wearing real pants or any pants for that matter. I enjoy a generally disheveled appearance and I’ve developed an almost rabid dislike of showering regularly. In other words, it’s not you, it’s me.
