I Survived Roswell, New Mexico- the Alien Side of the Story
The following incredible story was related to us via the new, outstanding Google Inter-galactic translator app, one that goes beyond the normal earthly Google translating apps to include languages from other planets. We used it to communicate with Xorbitan from the planet Qasnon from the Apeelious constellation to learn of his ordeal of being the only one from his spaceship to survive the horrendous crash at Roswell, New Mexico in 1947 that became international news fodder here on earth.
Here to tell the story is Xorbitan himself:
“Greetings you ghastly earth animals! I lower myself to tell you this story, but in the telling perhaps you will have more consideration for future inhabitants of other planets who visit your horrendous world. Things can be very different when you see events through seven eyes as we do instead of through the limited two eyes that you people have!
We were on a normal driveby mission destined for Saturn when we got the munchies and decided to put on our human disguise costumes and pick up something at an Arby’s in Roswell, New Mexico. We had gotten our goods and were just accelerating for the jump to hyper-space when the impact happened over Roswell. The next thing we knew we were being blown out of the sky! Don’t believe these stories that your Magic Eye machines and printed shredded paper things with way too much advertising say that we crashed on our own, NO! We came down with the aid of an ICBM 300 sticking out of our tailpipe!!!
Aspeeze had tried hard to control the descent, but his tentacles weren’t strong enough to push the thruster back. Using our powers that you ignorantly call ‘levitation’ we tried to pull out of the downfall, but our energy was not strong enough. We impacted into the earth covering you call rocks and the trauma of it caused us to have our consciousness temporarily disengaged from our physical bodies.
The fire that started when we crashed didn’t hurt us; we are immune to flames. It was the damned water that you sprayed us and our ship with that did it! That is like an acid to our delicate outer hides! You should have asked first!
When our consciousness returned to our forms that you find so strange we found ourselves strapped to tables in a laboratory. Marooxa and Yatanolox had their physical forms shredded and were prone on other tables. They were barely recognizable. We only realized who they were by their appendage bands they wore that gave them reentry into the electric erotic stimulation booth at the regeneration station on our moon Atriten.
Strange humans with white coats and odd window thingies over their seeing organs were examining what was left of Marooxa and Yatanolox and disgustingly prodding them with long, silver metal thing-a-ma-bobs. We tried to protest, but our piercing, extremely high pitched way of communicating irritated them and they would beat us with short objects made from the trees on your planet that pushed our consciousness back out of our bodies.
When we again returned to this world that held us captive we found that the aggressive humans were prodding US now with their nasty (and cold) silver thingies in sensitive areas and even in our areas for reproductive activities which was very uncomfortable and made some of us shriek in a way that seemed to be even more excessively irritating to your disrespectful humans internal audio system. This caused the weird humans in long, white body coverings and masks to back off and cover the orifices on the sides of their heads and shake them.
Finally, using silent appendage language when the humans were not looking, we managed to give each other the idea to pretend to be without our consciousness in the hopes that they would get bored and leave. This did not work. They were adamant about their work and greatly interested in our material forms. You would think that they had never seen an alien before. I don’t know what their problem was.
After probing us insensitively for days in places that in our world we would revenge ourselves by removing certain parts of their thinking organ such as to leave them with just enough mobility to slobber on themselves they finally stopped and left us with one of your Magic Eye machines called televisions that babbled throughout the day and night and accosted us with one image after another. I began then to see what had driven you creatures mad in this world. And to think you consider yourselves the highest life form on this planet. The invertebrate jellyfish of your oceans have much more empathy than you do!
Unfortunately Aehjalir and Xvijkar did not make it through the testing. Their bodily nerve wires shorted out and they passed from their temporal forms into the higher world that our culture prepares them for starting from pre-reproduction age. Also- how could these earthly fools with the long, white coats not know that giving them vitamins and minerals in the solution they injected them with for sustenance would cause such violent vibratory reactions that they literally turned themselves inside out from the shock!?
What was not mentioned by the other strangely tailored humans present with the ugly green coverings that resembled the outlines of their physical bodies and had glittery, colored metal thingies on their chests that indicated some sort of earthly achievement and superiority (but looked really silly) was that the material forms left behind by our colleagues were not de-bodied by the crash, but rather by the bulky hands of the humans who first found us. We all were having troubles with the strong gravity of this planet to begin with and could not get up to where we could float as is our normal means of mobility. They had the idiocy to TOUCH US WITH THEIR BARE PHYSICAL BODY COVERING APPENDAGES!!!! which proved toxic to the three of our comrades who had the misfortune of being approached first. It is their no longer occupied bodies that the green covered humans have kept so secret from the public (although some pretty accurate illustrations of them have appeared in your dreadful earthly ‘scandal’ magazines that so many humans love so dearly. Also, although deceased, they used their mummified bodies for a bit role in one of the Men in Black films as dead stiffs in a so-called crashed ‘space ship’. It was probably a direct lampoon of us and we have not forgotten or forgiven it!).
Fortunately you humans were mentally dense enough to not notice that we had an ejection pod that looked like a toilet to them. I motioned to them that I needed to use it and they foolishly let me. I got in it and ejected myself out into space and was picked up by the mother ship. Thank the Great Zargozniak that I escaped that hell! I never found out what happened to my other surviving comrades, but I assume they are stuffed and on display in a secret museum somewhere like I have seen happen to the humans in that earth film Planet Of The Apes. In our case it was the HUMANS acting like the apes!
As a word to future humans who come across ‘accidents’ involving ‘space ships’ as you call them, DON’T TOUCH THE SURVIVORS!!!! We don’t know where your appendages have been!!!”
