I, the Purveyor of Law Enforcement on Nextdoor
I see all, know all and fill everybody’s inbox with it constantly.
You, the sniveling, despicable, trasher of neighborhoods; the random nocturnal ringer of doorbells; the God-forsaken proletariat blaring music at slightly above a normal level, driving the value of my home southward. I, the overseer of culs-de-sac; the arbiter of dark and light; the shining beacon of morality; the purveyor of law enforcement. On Nextdoor.
It was adorable when you brazenly stationed your dilapidated Honda Civic at least two inches beyond the “No Parking Past This Point” sign as if the story ends there. Oh no, it is only beginning my friend…you’ll regret your conceited actions when my Nextdoor post goes up and hits ten “Thanks”. It may even score a comment from Karen at 1302 Meadow where she shares her disgust with your behavior, linking it to the horrifying rise of illegal parking on our street. Then you’ll know that your social capital has really taken a hit.
When you decided to cross the street before the little man lit up on the sign, the neighborhood was lucky my Ring camera was recording. Did you think you would jaywalk without a post from me as your shitty pair of K-Swiss sneakers scuttled across the road? Maybe you thought my camera was off or that I wouldn’t be so petty as to post the footage and tag the local police and the…
