Ice Spice Has Officially Garnered More Monthly Listeners Than The Dalai Lama

TeeJay Small
The Haven
Published in
3 min readApr 26, 2023

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He a Munch

Images courtesy of Spotify

Last month Twitter got its $8 per month panties in a verifyable bunch due to a recent report that Bronx rap artist and Chucky Finster cosplayer, Ice Spice, has more monthly listeners than The Beatles. This news obviously came as a shock to the 40 and up crowd, who for some reason thought “It’s Okay To Leave A Dog In A Hot Car” would remain the #1 single in the world for over 6 decades and counting.

Of course, as the hottest new music act to hit the scene since Lil Nas X spit in your dad’s mouth, the Spice-minister wasn’t content to stop at the top of the Rock charts, she wanted to set her sights even higher, toppling the fanship of god himself.

After beating another million streams out of 6ix9ine in an LA Fitness locker room and gobbling his listenership whole, Ice Spice began her hostile takeover of the rap industry, devouring a number of low-rent artists such as MF DOOM, Juice WRLD, and Charles Manson. The “Princess Diana” rapper then retreated to the shadows to plot her next move, like a highly venomous spider.

This week she finally got her chance to shoot for the heavens, as the Dalai Lama, one of the most revered and respected spiritual leaders in the known world, was caught slipping in the form of some Epstein-style

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TeeJay Small
The Haven

Constructor of load-bearing sentences, contributing writer for Giant Freakin Robot & Blavity brands. Formerly HotNewHipHop & Mashed.