Identifying the Presidential Qualifications and Political Values of Each Teletubby
The following political analysis was constructed after watching over twenty hours of Teletubbies content
Tinky Winky (the purple one)
Progressive AF
A lifelong supporter of LGBTQ+ rights, Tinky Winky strives for equality and inclusivity.
Prepared for Anything
Tinky Winky carries a magical red handbag, which can hold an infinite amount of beneficial items. Of the four Teletubbies, he is the only one that seems interested in strategic planning.
Somewhat Indecisive
Despite his preparation skills, Tinky Winky is known to be somewhat hesitant when making substantial decisions. During these moments of uncertainty, he seeks the guidance of Laa-Laa and Po. Because of this, critics have questioned Tinky Winky’s self-reliance.
2024 Predictions
Left-leaning voters will likely get behind Tinky Winky’s progressive policies, but conservative voters are unlikely to offer their support.
Dipsy (the green one)
Fashionista
A man of style, Dipsy owns an elegant top hat with a cow-print design. It’s unclear whether this material is made from genuine cow fur. Although he’s been pressed by PETA, Dipsy remains tight-lipped on the subject.
One Man Show
Dipsy prefers to work alone and is known to display stubborn qualities when disagreeing with his colleagues. Teamwork is not his strongest suit.
Neglectful
Despite reportedly loving his cow-print top hat, Dipsy is constantly misplacing it. Because of this, critics have questioned the strength of his memory.
2024 Predictions
Conservative voters will likely champion Dipsy’s Trumpian qualities, such as his unapologetic brashness. Additionally, undecided youth voters might support Dipsy due to his trendier characteristics.
Laa-Laa (the yellow one)
Empathetic
Laa-Laa is known for her warm, welcoming personality. As her campaign manager puts it, “The combined energies of Kate Hudson, Drew Barrymore, Oprah Winfrey, and Ellen Degeneres don’t even come close to matching Laa-Laa’s vitality. Her smile alone could literally melt the coldest of hearts.”
Wordsmith
In 1997, Laa-Laa coined the phrase “Bibbaly-Cheese,” which is used to express frustration.
Master of the Arts
A Juilliard scholar, Laa-Laa is well-versed in the arts. She is known for her singing and ballet skills.
Airhead
Some critics have questioned Laa-Laa’s ability to lead the country due to her spacey and naïve qualities.
2024 Predictions
Laa-Laa is likely to be a hit with center voters. Her bubbly persona will resonate with older, center-left voters who aren’t sold on the progressive policies of Tinky Winky. Likewise, her caring nature will be a hit with center-right voters, who are looking for a wholesome candidate to represent Middle America.
Po (the red one)
Young Blood
Po’s youthful perspective will likely resonate with twenty-something voters, the majority of whom feel disregarded and underappreciated.
Multilingual
Po speaks fluid Cantonese. Furthermore, she’s a strong supporter of cultural diversity and equality.
A Force to Be Reckoned With
Despite her small stature, Po fought off Pink Spider while the other Teletubbies fled for their lives. During this encounter, Po used an obscure style of martial arts.
Eco-Friendly
Po opposes big oil and is a backer of renewable energy. She rides a scooter, which significantly reduces her carbon footprint.
Narcolepsy
Po suffers from Narcolepsy. During the daytime, she’s prone to abrupt sleep attacks. According to her campaign manager, Po has her Narcolepsy under control. Even so, critics question whether her diagnosis would negatively affect her leadership capabilities.
2024 Predictions
Although older democrats may question her qualifications, Po is likely to win the younger, left-leaning vote. Due to her policies, Po is unlikely to impress conservative voters.
