If Every Work Meeting On Zoom Included My 4-Year Old Nephew
Hello, everyone! I hope you can see and hear me. I know these virtual meetings can feel a little odd but if you bear with me I am confident this one will be productive. It is so great to have you all with us, whether you have been with the company a long time or you just recently learned how to count how old you are on your hand.
I realize that some of you are newer to video conferencing software. The project manager has stressed that everyone do their best to be a good boy. I want to second this, even if the project manager forgot their own inability to behave while a junior associate. I have not. If you need to step away for a break you can either disable your camera or just put your hands in front of your face. Whoa! Where’d you go!
If you would prefer not to speak you can always share your questions by typing them into the chat. Some people prefer to put their thoughts in writing, and some are just as excited to show me they can spell their name. I assure you each of these options is adorable.
Hold on there, Dave! I think your sound is cutting out. Not sure if it’s a bad feed or you’re just being silly. You might try unplugging your headphones and using your computer speakers. If you could just wave your hand or make a goofy face to show you can hear me that would be great. Yes, the one where you stick your tongue out. Great, thank you.
Before we get started — oh, it appears as there is a request for that face again. Dave if you could speak to this a little bit.
Moving on, anyone have any updates from the homefront? Any recent business to report? Any new lizards discovered in the backyard?
Some of you have been asking about the use of virtual backgrounds. I say go for it. Use them to add some personality to your meeting space, give yourself a bit of privacy, or maybe just check out this cool fire truck behind me. Your project manager used to be scared of fire trucks. Cried every time they drove by. But you didn’t hear that from me.
Perhaps this can best be explained if I just show you on my end. If you’ll allow me to use the screen share function here you will note that I have a new dinosaur video to share from YouTube. See how loud it roars? Cool huh?! Don’t worry, I can send it to the project manager’s phone so you can watch it later after bath time. I’ll put the link in the chat for everyone else.
I agree that continuity and repeatable outcomes are important to keep our core audience engaged but I’m just not sure we need rehash the same thing every single meeting. I don’t want these to get stale. Let’s circle back around to that episode of Blippy another time.
Hold on we appear to have another request in the chat for Dave to make that face. Go ahead Dave, give the group what they want.
Our parent office would like to again stress that Zoom fatigue is a real thing. Make sure everyone takes a nap before the end of the day. If you insist on a tantrum please mute yourself until it subsides. I am sorry to report that no we cannot go to the park right now. Yes, I do have snacks but I cannot share them with you. Why? Because we are on the internet. Because we are all working from home. Because corporate thinks this will save us money. Because that’s what happens when you get older and realize that you’ve never been the favorite. Because I said so!
I do hear everyone’s frustrations but my power is limited. Being from the same parent company I understand this organization’s goals and know its past struggles. Your project manager once had their own struggle with the potty, but non-disclosure agreements prevent me from saying any more. As an advisor I can provide a difference of perspective and even some recommendations but I lack any real power to change protocol. Ultimately I defer to the project manager, who has the final say on bedtime. They just HAVE to get their way don’t they?
It is perfectly acceptable to attend this meeting from your bedroom. Everyone’s living space is different and we need to respect that. If you are going to jump on the bed it is important to angle your camera so we can make sure you are doing it safely, preferably when the project manager isn’t looking. If you bump your head I could get written up. And I would rather die than give them the satisfaction of being right.
Well that should do it. Thank you all for attending. I am so proud to work with such a phenomenal team. Unfortunately I have to end here but hopefully we can do this again soon. I hear someone has a birthday coming up!
