If My Obsession With Almond Butter Kills Me, I’ll Die Happy!
They say the heart wants what it wants. Well, my heart wants me some almond butter.
I love almond butter.
I thought it would be more difficult to admit, but here we are. Is it controversial to adore almond butter the way I do? Don’t answer yet. I plan to hold nothing back, I promise.
Okay, I guess it probably isn’t a big deal if I told you that I prefer almond butter on my toast more than I love any other morning snack. It’s so good!
And it’s healthy, too. Haters say that almond butter has a lot of fat content. To that I say: “Really, haters? Fat-shaming a spread?” Last time this happened I went to a dojo and inquired about learning the MMA — It’s important to defend what you love.
Almond butter goes perfectly with so many foods (grapes, cucumbers, tuna salad), and it’s also great solo! If it was a celebrity, I think it would be Justin Timberlake. I’m sure there are weirdos out there that would get off on slathering him on their pancakes, but me? I prefer the real thing.
I would bathe in it.
I would literally shoot almond butter out of my shower head at high speed until my tender flesh was slathered in the delicious brown goop. It would…
