If Ukraine Your Neck,You Can See How Mad Putin Really Is.
A 70th birthday is one of the seventy hardest birthdays to buy a gift for.
Firstly, if the recipient wanted it, they would have already bought one for themselves by now. They’ve had seventy years to get it.
Secondly, a lot of presents are now off limits. Hand-gliding lessons? Your seventies are not the time to start that kind of hobby. The same with bungee jumping or ski jumping. To get them something that may push them off this mortal coil sooner than is absolutely necessary is seen as a little unsporting by society.
Thirdly, if you give them something and they die quite soon afterwards, there is a good chance you are being given back that porcelain clown swinging from a lamppost, and do you want that in your house? Thought not.
The president of Russia was seventy years old recently. I know this because I wrote about it a few days ago and somehow didn’t write the article I planned to, so here’s my second shot at it and if this one isn’t right, you can expect another tomorrow and the day after that, all the way till he is 71 if needs be.
What do you get for the man who has it all?
Ukraine — Really, I’d have thought he would have got it by now. He’s been dropping hints about it for years.
Adequate Supplies — An army marches on its stomach. I like to say this whenever I have to have an opinion about any military matter. It usually elicits a deep nod from all around me, making me look very sage. Like I know what I am talking about. It doesn’t work so well when asked about missiles or spy satellites; then I Just look like an idiot. It turns out that the Russian army doesn’t have enough food to feed itself, so the soliders spend time foraging. Because if there is one thing that says modern army it’s “Can I eat this mushroom?”
A Real Army — Conscription? They are still doing conscription. No wonder the army is useless. Big cheap army, want to know how that turns out? Watch the storm troopers in Star Wars. Can’t shoot for toffee. Nor can the red army, it seems. The Russian army is very autocratic and, unlike most countries, doesn’t use non-commissioned officers. So it is inflexible and slow, while the Ukrainian army has a Tic-Tok account.
The Russian tanks are old, from the 1960’s and 70’s. It’s akin to having a classic VW Beatle car, bringintg it out for special occasions and weekends in the summer. That’s pretty cool. But having one as your everyday drive, that’s not as cool. It needs work and it says something about you.
The war may not be over soon, but it’s for sure that everyone thought it would already be over.
