If You Could Rate Lovers Using a Crowd-Sourced Review Forum

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Top 5 Pansexual Lovers in San Francisco

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Mona L. (North Beach/Telegraph Hill)
♥♥♥♥

WASPy American

Highlights

Lactose-friendly / Romantic and passionate / Up late

Ethically polyamorous / High thread-count sheets

Known for

Well-stocked liquor cabinet / Wi-Fi password protected and not shared

Master bath and powder room / One guest parking spot / 21+

Noise Level: Above-Average / No cigarette smokers or sleepovers

Review by Pedro R. (Mission Area) ♥♥♥♥♥

If you want passion, Mona’s the right person. Though she’s a bit out of the way, an evening at Mona’s is definitely worth the trip. Super-friendly and attentive with great energy and extensive know-how for getting me off. Recommended.

All Results

1. Glen R. (Balboa Park)
♥♥♥♥⅘ Latino

Review by Terry A. (Chicago, IL) ♥♥♥♥♥
Glen’s been consistently rated among the area’s Best Pansexuals for a reason. Amazing! Heard great things so decided to give him a try. I felt fortunate to arrange a one-on-one that knocked my socks off! Near BART. A must when you’re in San Francisco.

Review by Darnell H. (Oakland) ♥♥♥♥♥
Hella hot and so full of surprises. Sex is very good here. Ask for “The Butterfly”! You’ll be hella glad you did.

2. Perry N. (The Castro)
♥♥♥♥⅚ Asian-Fusion

Review by Taffy K. (New York, NY) ♥♥♥♥♥
Look up “fluidity” in the dictionary — and there’s Perry. Soooo open-minded and giving. How anyone can give this exquisite lover anything but 5 stars is beyond me! If Perry wants to visit New York, I would welcome them with open arms (and legs).

Review by The Dream Catcher (The Castro) ♥♥♥♥♥
What to add that hasn’t already been said? Imaginative — mentioned 286 times; Engaging — appears 310 times. Reservations a must — but good luck getting one! I know somebody who skipped their grandmother’s funeral to not miss out on Terry, and I’d do the same! (Sorry, Grandma!)

3. Electric C. (Presidio Heights)
♥♥♥♥⅝ Mediterranean

Review by V. (Noe Valley) ♥♥♥♥♥
Easily one of my favorite lovers in San Francisco, plus great views and ambiance! Note: It’s a shoe-free zone, but E. provides comfortable slippers that feel like walking on clouds. But it’s the orgasms that have people coming (back) again and again.

Review by Tatiana W. (Daly City) ♥♥♥♥♥
Don’t know why I’ve never written a review of Electric C. Maybe because I selfishly didn’t want them becoming even more popular; practically impossible to get an encounter at a reasonable hour as it is. But for EC, I’m willing to sacrifice a good night’s sleep for mind-blowing sexual satisfaction.

Review by B. (Palo Alto) ♥
Ridiculous to make me wait months for an assignation. I’m quite important so should automatically be bumped to the head of the line. Very disappointing.

4. Ulelelea (Richmond)
♥♥♥♥¾ Vegetarian and Continental

Review by Xander K. (Sea Cliff) ♥♥♥♥♥
Sometimes I still cry myself to sleep bemoaning the loss of Ulelelea to monogamy. It happened far too soon, IMHO, and seems a tragic waste of both beauty + energy. Ulelelea’s a gift to humanity, and it’s appalling how that geriatric billionaire lured Ulelelea into her lavish yet practically chaste lifestyle. Hopefully, he will expire from old age soon, and Ulelelea will rejoin our community. That day can’t come soon enough.

Review by Ton W. (Ocean Beach) ♥♥♥
Overrated. While Ulelelea presents the very essence of beauty, I honestly don’t get the big fuss. I mean, beauty’s only skin-deep, right? Soon a new flavor of the month will catch everybody’s attention, and nobody will give Ulelelea another thought. Good riddance.

Ulelelea replies: Ton, I can’t believe that you’re still taking potshots at me in public. I didn’t choose you, so get on with your life, and I’ll get on with mine. And if you troll me again, expect to hear from Horace’s and my attorneys.

5. Gunnar P. (Lower Haight) ♥♥♥♥⅝
Icelandic

Review by Jeanine T. (Inner Sunset) ♥♥
Talks a good game, but follow-through sort of sucks. Dude promises to spend all day in bed with me, but when the hospital calls, he leaves me to go perform emergency surgery. Yes, he makes me come like crazy, but it would be nice if he kept his word.

Gunnar P. replies: I am quite sorry, Jeanine, that you are dissatisfied with my performance. But perhaps it is not really my performance that you criticize. My follow-through could use some betterment, yes? Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will strive to improve.