I’m A Love Fraud Matchmaker
in the Land of Cyber Scams
I bit the bullet and ventured into TikTok. It’s supposed to be another worthwhile platform to promote your written work. Also, to expose yourself to fraud. Aren’t they all?
People say it’s hard to collect followers, but when you have gray in your hair, it’s a breeze! Who knew there were so many young women with giant breasts who want to be my friend, and young shirtless gay guys in the military open to a long term live-in relationship? I’ve heard tell that all I have to do is send them lots of money so they can fly out to see me.
My favorites are a young woman who calls herself, “Sunflower,” and a young muscley guy named “Tommy Prize.” Since these two probably wanted the same things from me, I suggested they hook up with each other before I deleted them from my list. I’m sure they’ll be very happy sending each other money and love.
Ugh. And emails… I get like ten emails a day from Netflix spelled with three i’s — - Netfliiix — that tell me to update my payment information. I know better than to respond but if I did I’d send them an email telling them to go F themselves with three U s.
Since the entire world knows I’m older (thanks corporate hackers and Alexa etc) I get emails from fake doctors telling me if I sleep on my side I’ll get Alzheimer’s and “Click here” to learn what other sleep positions do to you. I think sleeping on my side and getting Alzheimer’s is plenty, thanks.
Recently I received an email from “Hiroshi” in Japan explaining to me how I’ll get Menopause Belly unless I buy his “Alpine Tonic.” I’m not worried that I ignore these warnings. Worst case: I’ll forget I have a puffy stomach.
Fraud, of course, is as old as the hills. I once went for a second visit to see my internist. A different doctor greeted me in the exam room. I pointed out he wasn’t the same person who I met on my first visit and he explained that previously his medical group partner had been impersonating him!
He gave a reason that I of course can’t remember because I went into immediate shock and came down with Menopause Belly. I could have used some Alpine Tonic at that moment.
Maybe I’ll ask “Sunflower” where I can get some.
