I’m A White Male Voter And My Head Is So Far Up My Ass I Can Lick My Own Tongue
I couldn’t help but notice you noticing that my head is up my ass.
Hello-hello! Nice to see you. I’m Shawn or Luke or whatever. I’m an average white male voter. I couldn’t help but notice you noticing that my head is up my ass. Pretty strange, huh? Yeah, I don’t exactly love it, either. It smells in here, frankly, and you can imagine how hard it is to find a hat that fits. But here I am anyway. Yeah. Pretty nuts.
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What’d you say? Speak up a little bit, if you don’t mind. It’s hard to hear people when my head is this far up my own ass. Sort of like talking in a cave. There’s a bit of an echo when I speak, which is also kind of nice because I get to hear myself twice.
You’re probably wondering how I take a shit when my head is so far up my own ass, right? No? Well, suffice it to say, it’s not pretty. Sort of a human centipede situation. Is that clear enough? Yeah, definitely not ideal. But hey, at least I’m off carbs.
Before you ask, yes, I’ve been to a doctor to see about dislodging my own head from my own ass. He “highly recommended” removing my head from my ass with surgery. But I listened to a…
