Imperfection Jeopardy
This Purity Test has got to go
“…sometime during the last four years the presidency passed the final limit, the ultimate end of man’s capabilities, and with scientific certainty we know that there is probably no man alive who is, according to SAM’s directive, qualified.”
Michael Shaara’s “2066: Election Day” envisions a time when a computer named SAM chooses the most capable presidential candidate. Problem is, the position’s requirements outpace all applicants’ capabilities. In the end, no one is qualified.
No need to wait until 2066, we are already there.
Jeopardy’s host search
Upon Alex Trebek’s passing, Jeopardy! decided it would use guest hosts for the season’s balance. The first two were producer Ken Jennings and executive producer Mike Richards. Sixteen interim readers in all. Only Republican primaries have more candidates.
What has become clear in recent weeks is Mike Richards wanted the gig all along. He may have lied about his “emergency” hosting duties and done things worthy of a Mean Girl. His critics labeled him Dick Cheney, who channeled Napoleon and crowned himself.
Richards’ tenure lasted one production day. The hemorrhoid named his past workplace conduct flared up again, and his resurfaced podcast commentary gained him admission into the Louis Farrakhan and Steve Bannon Proud Boys Club. Mike stepped down, and the Mooch filed an appeal to rename a Scaramucci as a Richards.
Enter Mayim Bialik, whose other work reportedly precludes her from being the fulltime syndicated host. Her rap sheet includes a confusing vaccination stance. She’s not against them, but said no thanks for decades and devised her own schedule for her children. She also used her degree to confer scientific heft to a supplement with questionable efficacy.
Maybe Ken Jennings forgot his brain pill the day he tried tweeting a joke about the differently abled. Despite multiple apologies, this reportedly puts Jennings on the bench with five fouls. And Internet basketball’s first quarter is only available to five-year-olds.
Then there’s the Levar Burton contingent. My circle of friends found him competent, but felt his peppy “correct” acknowledgements were distracting. His supporters have pretty much demanded his selection, other candidates can never be worthy. Why are his fans so sure he’ll survive vetting? People might rewatch Roots and deem his slavery submission portrayal unacceptable. He might have once corrected a reader’s pronunciation and made the youngster feel bad. The Twitter sleuths can find something faster than Geordi can start a warp core.
Where the Emcee has No Name
Like Star Trek, the Academy Awards has no one to go before you. The blame here is Kevin Hart’s old homophobic tweets. His attempted apology was deemed insincere and he had to relinquish his February 2019 broadcast role. Saturday Night Live conducted its own host search, aptly calling the position “risk(ing) everything for the chance to gain nothing.”
Joining Hart in the improper remorse corner is hockey player Mitchell Miller. At age fifteen, he bullied a developmentally disabled classmate. Initially, the Arizona Coyotes wanted to use the issue constructively. But in the end he was dropped by both his college team and the NHL. Because exile is easier.
I sense an opportunity: Prince Harry should invite Miller and Jennings to the next Invictus Games. Or maybe the trio could help Special Olympics. Would volunteer work and mediaized personal growth earn the disgraced even the tiniest bit of goodwill?
Speaking of the Duke of Sussex, his Oprah brouhaha cost both Piers Morgan’s and Sharon Osbourne’s shows a host. The Olympics had a scull’s worth of similar issues. The Ministry of Truth is working on The Five, since there’s so many targets.
Road to Anti-Perdition
The truly monstrous deserve accountability. Yes, there existed a time when people got away with behavior now less tolerated. It’s good that some of us want to create safer spaces for differences.
But my gut reaction is that no one is a perfect person every second of every day. I can think of lots of times I wish I had a mulligan. I would be horrified if managers at every prospective employer had access to all of my past performance reviews. Mistakes were made and sometimes I resolved to do better.
We can draw the miscreant line without disallowing redemption in too many cases. Those who abuse alcohol and hurt others are encouraged to make amends during their eighth and ninth steps. Shouldn’t we offer those who abuse people a similar chance?
Instead the strictest among Purity Patrol are ready to criminalize evolution. Matt Damon had reasonable intent when he shared he no longer uses the Friends of Dorothy f-word. Damon described a father/daughter relationship leading to behavior change, ideas relevant to his film Stillwater. Instead of being for familial rapport and slur reduction, the rage machine was ready to send The Martian back to a lonelier existence.
If that becomes standard, how long until no one admits fault? Instead of warning children not to talk to strangers, will we be advising them to limit friend interactions too?
Mob justice hasn’t made everyone and everything disappear. Virginia Governor Ralph Northam survived his blackface scandal by pledging to work towards minority concerns. It would have been easy to construe Scott Evans’ accidental man parts pic as malevolent. Imagine if a woman was also in the shot or that we knew the image was used à la Brett Favre. In Evans case, social media participants kindly flooded the web with counterimages to make the original harder to find. In another example, Turner Classic Movies could have quite simply excised objectionable material. The channel chose to discuss problematic films, reminding us that thoughtful commentary can highlight improvement.
I want more of this.
The Empty Podium
Until then, maybe IBM could program Jeopardy champion Watson to voice the clues. But wait, this is the computer which responded with “Toronto” when the category was U.S. Cities. Surely its log must contain other erroneous conclusions. Maybe it decided men are better government leaders because historically that gender predominated. Maybe it thought looting is a crime. During medical treatment evaluations, perhaps Watson committed a microaggression against someone’s life choices by suggesting weight loss. Any of that comes out, and the web will demand a pulling of the plug.
Now, even the host can be excluded from Final Jeopardy.
