In Unprecedented Attack Against Democracy, Russia Leaks Entire Final Season of Game of Thrones
In an unprecedented attack against American ideals, chief among them democracy, Russia has leaked the final season of HBO’s hit series, Game of Thrones.
Russian President Vladimir Putin refused to answer the question of the Russian government’s involvement in the hacking. “Maybe we did it, maybe we didn’t,” he told us before going on to spoil major plot points from the final season of the series.
“He said maybe he didn’t do it,” United States President Donald Trump tweeted, adding at the end of the tweet, “¯\_(ツ)_/¯”
Fans of the popular book-turned-TV-series are furious that Russia, or anyone for that matter, could ruin something so fundamentally good, beloved, and universal as the story of Game of Thrones.
George R. R. Martin, author of the acclaimed book series the show is based on, claims that he is “relieved, somewhat,” for the leaks. “Maybe now everyone can chill the fuck out and let me write in peace.” When asked when he expects the sixth book to be finished, Martin stormed out the room.
HBO has had a rough time in the past keeping its episodes protected from hackers. What they’re most surprised by, though, is not that they were hacked. Richard Plepler, CEO of HBO, exclaimed, “I don’t get it. We only just started filming. The actors don’t even have all the scripts. It doesn’t make any sense.”
The leaked episodes, which are reportedly of a slightly lower quality than they will be when officially released, are also, apparently, the most exciting of the whole series. A fan who pirated the episodes told us, “Let me just put it this way. Things get really, really cold — and then they get really, really hot. That character who you think isn’t going to die? Dead. That character you thought was sure to die? Survives the whole thing. The Night King? What about the Night Queen? Ha ha, just kidding. Or am I? Listen, if you want to take a stand for democracy or whatever, go ahead. Don’t watch the episodes until they air on HBO. I’m probably going to watch the whole thing again so I can threaten my friends with spoilers. Say what you will about Russia, but for the time being, they’ve definitely made TV great again.”