In Wake of Triumphant Convention, Dems Announce Launch of “The Kamala H-Eras” Tour
Late Thursday night, a sea of red, white and blue balloons floating from the ceiling of Chicago’s United Center signaled the conclusion of the 2024 Democratic National Convention. By almost any metric, the four days of speeches, music, chants and dancing were a surprisingly entertaining and massive success. So much so, that the Dems have decided to take the show on the road with the launch of The Kamala H-Eras Tour.
“From massive tv audiences to unprecedented social media engagement numbers, the American people have made their voices heard,” said Democratic National Committee Chairman Jamie Harrison. “They crave more roll calls, more swing state congresspeople, more current and former cabinet secretaries, more all things convention and The Kamala H-Eras Tour is coming to their town to give it to them!”
While full tour dates remain to be confirmed, it is believed that Vice President Kamala Harris, Governor Tim Walz, DJ Cassidy and crew will bring the multimedia extravaganza to key battleground sites including Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Arizona, North Carolina and Coachella, California.
“This week the American voter was inspired by Kamala Harris, moved by Tim Walz, made weak in the knees by Leon Panetta and positively swooned over Senator Chris Coons,” said a clearly fired-up former Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “It would be political and box office malpractice to deny our citizens a chance to experience the magic of a political convention in person.”
Reaction on the Taylor Swift Discord channel appeared to confirm Pelosi’s words.
“OMG Squad. Is this real?” wrote user CarolinaCardigan. “If Roy Cooper, Mark Kelly & Al Sharpton are at the Charlotte show, I will be legit D-E-D!”
“I know he is a Republican and all but I NEED Adam Kinzinger at the Dayton show! Squeal!” declared BadBloodBuckeye.
Echoing successful elements of the Chicago smash run, early planning suggests that each stop on The Kamala H-Eras Tour will be emceed by a seemingly random celebrity. Names said to be under consideration include superstars Tone-Loc, Edie Brickell, and Carson Daly. Organizers also plan to “leak” rumors of surprise guests hoping to replicate the excitement and mania that occurred over rumors of a potential Chicago appearance by Taylor Swift and/or Beyonce.
“I don’t want to say too much but Taylor Swift’s airplane might be headed to Pittsburgh,” whispered a coy anonymous committee spokesperson. “But then again stars lend their planes out so for all we know it could be Chappel Roan, Harry Styles, Rhianna or the surviving members of the Beatles. Whoops. Did I say all of that out loud?”
“I cannot wait to see stadiums and arenas across this great land filled with fans of our incredible rotating lineup of stars,” said Pelosi while waving her hands in the air like she just don’t care. “I’m talking to all of you Walzheads, Gretchies, Pete’s Posse, and Kamalos out there! From Arizonaaaa to the Blue Wall!”
UPDATE: Upon learning of The Kamala H-eras Tour plans, the campaign of Donald Trump hastily announced, “Trump Unplugged” which a press release described as “a series of intimate evenings at majestic Mar-a-Lago with President Donald J. Trump performing his greatest gripes while accompanied on acoustic guitar by Kid Rock.” The TrumpUnplugged.com website priced tickets at $1 billion which includes “a meet & greet with President Trump and the removal of one regulation of the ticket-holder’s choosing.”
