Instagram Baby for Hire
You can’t choose your baby, but WE can
Influencers — Are your followers getting tired of seeing the same skincare routine? Are you entering the phase where everyone is asking “When are you going to have kids?” Do you want adorable Instagram photos without the burden of getting knocked up? At InstaBaby, it’s never been easier to rent a baby for content ideas. We have models for any vibe you’re trying to achieve so you can be your own Anne Geddes. Fill out our questionnaire to customize your order (down to its dimple depth!) and we’ll ship you a model in just two days. Take a look at some of our best-sellers:
Bronze Package ($50/hr)
This package is perfect for entry-level influencers who just figured out there’s a front-facing camera. All bronze packages come with retouching services to create the illusion of chubby cheeks and thigh rolls.
Bronze Package #1: For those looking to continue their hot girl summer, look no further than our seasonal workers! Don’t worry, all our InstaBabies are trained professionals who can smile on cue, pose for the camera, and say adorable phrases like “You’re not my mommy”.
Bronze Package #2: Why go through the headaches of teaching a baby to casually read a dictionary? Now, staging “authentic” moments are as easy as ABC! Also, we scout fresh faces so you never have to worry about being accused of using a fake baby for clickbait.
Silver Package ($200/hr)
For those who are looking to take their Instagram business to the next level, we have our silver package models who can smize without taking a nap break. This advanced package comes with stylish props that will have people questioning why you quit your day job.
Silver Package #1: Our market analysis has shown that babies wearing streetwear is the next hottest trend. And if you need models who won’t have a tantrum during long photoshoots, come fully potty-trained to set, and require little to no love/attention, we recommend our all-terrain babies! These models are hypoallergenic so you never have to worry about the true loves of your life (your pets) having a negative reaction with our InstaBabies.
Silver Package #2: For those looking for more performative art, we suggest our limited edition, faceless InstaBabies who all undergo “Put Everything in Their Mouth” training. These babies remain anonymous not because they are camera-shy, but because their performance supports a BIGGER story. They are here to bring you thoughtless-provoking messages like “What if everything is not sugar and spice and everything nice? What if the greatest danger…is ourselves? #Ad” Now that’s music to your sponsors’ ears.
Gold Package ($1,000/hr)
If you need someone to execute your ~unique~ vision board, then check out our gold package consultation services to curate the perfect shot. This premium packages includes multiple outfits, suggested locations, and a list of poses that will have people saying “Wow, they look exactly like everyone else.”
Gold Package #1: Our hipster collection launched last year and has been a huge hit with influencer parents who pride themselves on being better than everyone else. For older children, we will develop their origin stories for you and even create reasons why you got rid of them. These models do great on video and will say effortlessly cool things like “Art is my soul”, “I’m not like other kids”, and other rehearsed phrases!
Gold Package #2: If you’re looking for more high-fashion pictures, we recommend our editorial line. These models can pose with any animal — domestic or wild. We also understand the importance of seeming racially tolerant, which is why we’ll throw in an ethnically ambiguous model at no extra cost. That’s the InstaBaby promise.
“Baby on a Budget” Package (It Depends/Hour)
We are conscious or “woke” of the fact that not everyone can afford our top-tier babies. To create a more inclusive experience, we’ve created our “Baby on a Budget” package where you can rent lifelike InstaBabies that are equally chilling to look at.
“Baby on a Budget” Package #1: If you feel the need to continuously brag about how your favorite movie is Pride and Prejudice, we highly recommend this 1700s inspired photoshoot. This package is simple to apply for; you just need to fill out 100 pages of paperwork, pass a lie-detector test, and provide a liter of blood. Now, photoshoots won’t require you to give up your first born, because we’ll be providing one for you.
Our mission at InstaBaby is to have all the benefits of cute photos without having to wipe anyone’s butt. We also make returning your InstaBaby a breeze! You don’t even have to wash it - just place it in the same container and drop it off at a local Chuck-E-Cheese. We’ll arrange for someone to pick it up, eventually. InstaBaby - Because you can’t choose your kids, but you can choose another kid and have it pretend to be your family for an Instagram photoshoot.
