Israeli, Hamas Officials Exhausted by Kamala Harris’ ‘Tireless’ Efforts toward Ceasefire, Plea for her to ‘Slow Down’

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez claims Harris is working ‘tirelessly’ toward ceasefire

Several delegates expressed skepticism on the first day of this year’s Democratic National Convention in Chicago when New York Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez claimed that Kamala Harris is working ‘tirelessly’ toward a ceasefire in Gaza. However, new reports from both sides of the peace talks appear to confirm AOC’s claims.

Israeli, Hamas officials express exhaustion, inability to keep up with Harris’s stamina in peace talks

Top Israeli negotiators at this week’s ceasefire talks in Qatar expressed their disbelief at what they called the “biblical stamina” of Vice President Harris in her efforts to secure a ceasefire deal. “In fact, we kind of want her to slow down,” one official said. “I’ve been a diplomat for twenty years and ambassador for six, and I’ve never witnessed anyone work so tirelessly.”

Senior Hamas officials also expressed their awe at the tirelessness of Harris’s efforts. “We came to these negotiations expecting to at least have weekends off. And we usually like to get between eight and nine hours of sleep per night,” one official said. “This whole ‘working around the clock’ strategy of Harris,” he said, “is madness.”

“She’s taking this whole thing too seriously.”

Another Hamas representative expressed his bewilderment at the seriousness with which Harris was approaching the talks. “I think she needs to take a step back and realize this whole thing isn’t that big a deal,” he said. “Yes, our people are famished to the point of children dying of starvation inside our largest hospital. Yes, there’s rampant polio in our water system. And nearly 95% of our population has been displaced, some people up to ten times. Yes, we understand that 80% of our infrastructure has been destroyed and our healthcare system has utterly collapsed, to the point where we regularly amputate limbs without anesthesia. And yes it’s true that, just the other day, a young girl had such severe burns on her face that everyone in the room (indeed anyone with a rudimentary medical training) could see that she was not going to survive. And yes it’s true that, since the hospital had run out of morphine, we all had to watch her die screaming in pain on the floor. But it’s not the end of the world,” he said.

He continued, “I guess what I’m getting at here, is that we negotiators would prefer a little work-life balance. Most of us Hamas guys are OK taking weekends off and having an extra long lunch break. But this Harris woman… Let me tell you. This woman is not exaggerating one iota when she says she’s been working ‘around the clock.’ It’s literally nonstop.”

He went on to say that Hamas officials needed to fly in backup personnel because their primary negotiators were so fatigued by Harris’s tireless work ethic.

Harris explains the importance of integrity when speaking to voters

When asked why she has chosen to maintain such an unflagging posture toward the ceasefire talks, Harris responded, “It comes down to integrity, really. After all, I told my rally-goers in Arizona that ‘the President and I are working around the clock to get a ceasefire done.’ Words need to mean something. If I give my word on something, I need to mean it.”