Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib, and Ayanna Pressley parade for cheering Russian crowds, angering the not-racist Drumpf. (Kremlin)

“It’s About Socialism”

Drumpf claims to defend his overtly racist Tweets

Phillip T Stephens
Jul 17 · 4 min read

Drumpf went on the warpath after the House condemned him for racist Tweets against representatives Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib, and Ayanna Pressley. “It’s not about racism it’s about SOCIALISM, and these broads are REDDER THAN RED. I wasn’t saying they should go back home to their shithole countries like Puerto Rico and Iran, I was saying they should GO BACK TO RUSSIA.”

Drumpf told reporters several hours before the House debate began that, “Racism is a thing of the past. There’s not a Racist in this room except for the Democrats who are the real racists because they keep accusing white people of Racism when we’ve done nothing but support them and tolerate their ignorant ideas since the founding of the country. We even gave them schools even though we know their brains are substandard, just look at Maxine Waters, but was that good enough? No, they demanded we let them to go to good schools and turn them into shitholes and force the good students into homeschooling. We even gave them two Supreme Court judgeships. Did Obama do that? No. So don’t think I’m being racist. I’m loving America which is something they can’t do because they’re socialists who hate America. Hand picked and hand trained in Moscow by their socialist handler Nancy Pelosi. So remember that. Racists talk about racism because they’re racist. White people can’t be racist so we don’t talk about it.”

”Racists talk about racism because they’re racist. White people can’t be racist so we don’t talk about it.”

He spoke during this morning’s cabinet meeting where everyone wore blackface to “show their support for our racist Congress even though they don’t deserve it. To prove we’re not the racists. We love America and we love them and they don’t. It’s that simple. If you want to be American, you have to love America and you can’t love America if you stand up for people who aren’t American. So let’s deport them and when they’re ready to behave like Americans, and not Socialists, maybe we’ll let them back.”

“You throw the word Socialism around often, but do you even know what socialism is?” asked CNN’s April Ryan, whom Drumpf has invited to leave the country on more than a dozen occasions.

Drumpf shut down for a moment and replied, “This is a trick question like the time you tricked me with the airports in the revolutionary war.”

When assured it wasn’t Drumpf explained, “Socialism is when you want to overthrow the legitimate government and replace it with a dictator who will tell you what to think and expect you to do everything he tells you whether it’s the right thing or not. Like Russia. Or the European Union. Unlike America where you’re supposed to do whatever the President tells you but only loyal Americans do.” He turned to Vice President Mike Pence and asked, “Did I get that right, Mike?”

“To the letter,” Pence replied after Drumpf inserted his hand into the hole that controls Pence’s mouth.

“We thought you were allies with the Russians,” The New York Times’ Carl Hulse interjected.

“It isn’t about racism, it’s about defending the First Amendment from immigrant socialists who want to ruin our country. Real Americans shut their mouths when the President misspeaks.”

“I’m allies with Vlad. He’s a good socialist. You can have good socialists, socialists like Vlad and Kim, like you can have good n**gers, . But most just want to steal your freedom.”

Even as he spoke, aide Kellyanne Conway stood in the Rose Garden, screening reporters to make sure they were American enough to meet the President. Each reporter was asked to provide their country of origin, and prove they had filed legitimate claims for asylum.

The final House vote to condemn Drumpf’s remarks was 240–187, with four Republicans and a former disgusted Republican voting yes. Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy told reporters why the GOP once again went belly up when Drumpf barks, “It isn’t about racism, it’s about defending the First Amendment from immigrant socialists who want to ruin our country. Real Americans shut their mouths when the President misspeaks.”

Jonesing for an additional 45 fix? Check out:


Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

Phillip T Stephens

Written by

Living metaphor. Follow me @stephens_pt.

The Haven

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade