It’s OK To Just Read The Headline
This is one of those times
We are all guilty of this cardinal sin, but frankly, sometimes it’s all you need. In this article, for example, my entire point was made in the headline. Nothing of interest awaits you in this body of writing.
It seems though, that you are still here, perhaps looking for some further elaboration or maybe looking for some hidden nugget of humour in this article. The article is marked as ‘Humor’ after all, spelt the American way, as much as it pains me to do so.
I can assure you, it is all a con. There is no laughter to be found here. Just a sad attempt to garner some attention on a day when inspiration has forsaken me. How many of you clicked just because of the beautiful lady in the thumbnail? Sex sells, or so I’m told.
Unfortunately, so many articles are like this. An enticing thumbnail to draw you in and paragraph after paragraph of mindless waffle. The purpose? To make you spend more time than you need to on a story that could be sold in one sentence. Time is money.
I’m dangerously close to making some sort of point now. That is not my intention. I would suggest we not judge people too harshly for only reading a headline on some occasions though.
For example, let's say I’m running for president. After the election, there will be two types of headline. One will read something like ‘You Won’t Believe Who Is Our New President’ and the other will say ‘Christy Wins Election’. Why would we need to read the latter? I hereby forgive you for skipping it. God have mercy on the soul of anyone who opts to read the clickbait article though.
Ugh, here I am, almost making some sort of a point again.
I really have no idea why you are still here. Does it make you any more of an intellectual because you read a pointless article in its entirety? I wouldn’t even read this tripe and I wrote the damn thing!
The more I think about it, it’s the publisher that’s to blame. I mean, you follow The Haven because you trust that they will provide you with quality content. The editors are supposed to curate the best humour articles submitted to them and provide you with the best of the best. Instead, you’ve wasted your time on this nonsense.
Honestly, I would suggest a very angry letter to the editor. Don’t be mean but make your point. Let your voice be heard. You had to hear mine and I have said absolutely nothing for the last 10 paragraphs.
Yes, I counted the paragraphs. Count them too if you wish, apparently, you enjoy wasting your time.
There’s no right way to end an article like this. I’m not going to bother putting anything of note in the conclusion section. I beg you, leave now with whatever dignity you have left. There is nothing more to see. There never was anything to see.
CONCLUSION
Oh, come on man! You are better than this. There’s nothing to see here.
I’ll pray for you.
