It’s one-thirty AM
It’s one-thirty AM and she’s finally snoring next to me. My tummy churns over dinner’s spaghetti. It’s the chase, the pre-decision that feels so good. And I know soon I will be staring into it, gleefully running my fingers across smooth, plastic surfaces.
I shift my leg to the left making it seem like a natural nocturnal movement, not the first twitch of deception. I shudder a little on the inside as I roll over and smack my lips dramatically, maybe too dramatically. I wait. I’m on my left side now and I pull my right leg over and slip out of the bed into a kneeling position, like I’m praying. A perfect excuse should she wake.
I slink out of the room and wonder if the beating of my heart will wake her.
She sleeps.
I lose track of myself in the furies of my thoughts and the rising excitement in my throat. I turn into the hall bathroom, the one with the cabinet.
It’s a creaker, so I open it slowly, drawing the creak out accidentally. I tell myself it’s quieter this way. But is it? Should I have pulled it open like a bandaid? Just ripped it off? Or take it slow, perhaps with a little grease next time? I ponder this as I open it.
The LEDs blink on at the opening of the cabinet; a little birthday present to myself last year. I always set the mood. What shall it be tonight? Blue? Green? Red? I settle on a soft magenta that reminds me of a spaceport bar from the future.
I gaze into it, my face awash in purple. I pick out the sleeper in my eye. I grin stupidly, hungrily.
Advil? ‘Ol reliable. Always a good choice, especially with the premium candy coated ones, the slick ones, the ones that just slide down the throat with ease. I hold the bottle and eye it lovingly. Not you tonight I tell it.
What’s this? My prescription toothpaste? Saucy! I squeeze a little into the tip of my finger. I like the way the pink fluoride reflects the purple LEDs. I giggle as I run a pinch along my gums, it feels grainy and good, and smells faintly of old vomit. I don’t know why. But I love it. I carefully put it back, letting my fingers linger.
Tums. Ahh my fist love. There you are! All the colors of cotton candy trapped in one perfect, hazy see-through bottle. What a tease you are Tums. I’m tempted but not tonight. No not tonight.
Preparation H? Well well well. I see you there you minxy tube of bottom frosting. Yes, I have an itch to scratch, just not that itch. I’ll save you for another night I think.
Netty pot? What the fuck is that doing here? No. Never. I’m not in the mood for a nasal waterboarding. No way. I’ll grab you the next time I want to drip drop salty sinus juice every time I bend over. I grip it’s sturdy, long neck and peer into the tip of the hole. I shudder. What a terrible device this is. Who would ever put this inside of them? It belongs in the other bathroom, in her cabinet. I chuckle as I think of her cabinet, a cluttered rows of oils and tinctures and herbals.
Ahh. What’s next? Oh yes, the mystery bottle! Midol. How I dream of where you are from. Where did you come from? I do not know. I didn’t bring you here. But I am not complaining. Far from it! Am I feeling that wild tonight? No. But maybe I am? Maybe I do want to run wild in the streets, perhaps I do want to chase the coyotes in my alley tonight?
I’m Exhilarated. I love it when I can’t decide.
Oh oh oh! Now what is this? Now we’re getting somewhere. I stifle a childish giggle, holding my fist between my teeth. Bubble gum Tylenol, the liquid kind. I do a little dance and pump my fist in the air. Ah! Now we have a front runner. I can already taste its tangy sweetness on my tongue. The thick aftertaste in my mouth. But I know there’s more.
My heart thumps.
I close my eyes and shake my head as a knowing grin stretches my face. I know what’s next. Oh I know what’s next.
Fuck. My smile resolves into a look of pure animal hunger.
It’s the Vampire Blood. Goodnight Juice. Green Lizard. Syzzurp.
NyQuil.
I glance side to side. And I’m not even sick! Did I whisper that out loud or just think it? I bend over at the waste in a silent, premature burst of joy. Oh and it’s a brand new one too! I pluck at the serrated strip of shrink wrap around it’s stately cap and rip it off in one deft swoop. I press down on the lid and twist. The satisfaction overwhelms me. I bury my nose into the small opening, pulling deep upon the aromas as I would a flowering Barolo opening itself to me.
I hold it up to the light. I want to see you. We’ll keep the lights on tonight I think I say. I don’t know. I’m lost at sea. I wink at it. I hold it up over my head so the light is behind it. I peer through it. I’m in a trance. The deepness of its purple. The Purple Zurple.
“What are you doing?”
I startle. My hand jumps violently and I bathe in the Nectar of the Night. It runs down my face, viscous, slowly drips over the bridge of my nose. I stick my tongue out and slurp as much as I can.
I am caught.
I turn to face her. I squint my eyes so it doesn’t blind me purple. She shakes her head, hand on her hip. But I am elated. Beyond her reproach now as I wipe my face with my fingers and suck on them. I hold her gaze while I pour the rest of the bottle over my head.
An act of defiance. She knows it. I know it.
But then she steps forward and mutters something about not being able to sleep. She licks my face, runs her tongue over my bald head.
I step back and toss her a wolfish grin.
She shakes her head and walks out of the bathroom.
I am shaking. Laughing wildly. I open the tums and pop a few. Midol. Yes. Yes. Yes. I take them all.
Tonight I chase the coyotes.
