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The Haven

James Webb Telescope Image a Cosmic Star Factory or Coffee Stain?

Plot by scientist Lucifer cult to spill coffee and fool the world debunked

The cosmic coffee stain (NASA)

A report published by anti-science evangelicals claims to have proof that the iconic space images from the James Webb Telescope are fake, and part of a huge disinformation campaign perpetrated by “Satan-worshipping scientists headquartered in one of the heathen blue states in the US.”

According to groups like the Almighty’s Platform for Evangelicals Against Science (APEAS), the recently released image of the Carina Nebula is a coffee stain cleverly doctored to make it look like a cosmic star factory. The now famous Deep Field image is not an awe-inspiring view of galaxy clusters that are billions of years old, but a compilation of stills cobbled together from old Star Trek movies. “If you look carefully, you can see Admiral James T. Kirk drinking coffee on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise,” says APEAS.

The James Webb Telescope does not exist, they maintain. The satanic hoaxers made a model from aluminum foil and gold-painted dinner plates and filmed its “launch” in their basement — the very same basement where they filmed the NASA moon landing back in 1969. “They have been fooling the world ever since,” says APEAS. NASA’s Mars Rover robots, which have been supposedly wandering around the Red Planet for the past couple of years, are old McDonald’s Happy Meals toys moved by hand around a sandbox in New Jersey.

The disinformation campaign is designed to distract people from genuine news stories, such as Bill and Hilary Clinton operating a pedophile ring from a Washington DC pizza shop in 2016, say the evangelicals. It is no coincidence that the James Webb Telescope images were released just as a major story about President Joe Biden’s possession by evil demons was about to break. APEAS says that the release of the images distracted the public, and gave the devil worshippers time to refashion the story into a lie about the President contracting the COVID-19 virus (the coronavirus pandemic is a hoax and the word COVID is an ancient chant for summoning the Antichrist).

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K. B. Cottrill

K. B. Cottrill

Constantly losing the main plot while finding quirkier ones to write about for print, stage, and screen.