Jared Creeps the Khashoggi Investigation
Did it to take the pressure off Drumpf
Jared Kushner continues to insert himself into the investigation of journalist Jamal Khashoggi’s death. His insertion began within the first few days of the investigation when he admitted to CNN that he was personally updating Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman on the White House response and how to proceed. Once the CIA confirmed Crown Price Mohammad Bin Salman ordered the assassination, Kushner stepped up his efforts.
“It’s not like I’m helping him, or that we’re personal friends,” Kushner told Jake Tapper, “but I am the best lawyer in the lower West Side, so a few pointers couldn’t hurt.”
Kushner denied any Drumpf business ties to the Saudis in spite of the contract for a new Drumpf Hotel Riyadh sitting on the desk in front of him.
A few pointers turned out to be a “hit list” of bin Salman’s most vocal critics in the US. “Nothing bad,” Kirshner told The Haven, “just people who should be keeping their mouths shut but who wouldn’t shut up when I sent my Russian contacts to discourage them.”
Kushner denies any business connections with the Saudi regime. “No, I’m not in business with Mo.” (“Mo,” he told us later, is how he refers to the Crown Prince, but it “shouldn’t indicate that we are overly familiar or anything.”)
He claims his involvement was motivated exclusively by a desire to take the pressure off Drumpf, who inserted the White House into the investigation to solidify business ties with the Saudis. “For the government.” Kushner added, “not us personally.” Kushner denied any Drumpf business ties to the Saudis in spite of the contract for a new Drumpf Hotel Riyadh sitting on the desk in front of him.
Kirshner also denied delivering the hit list to bin Salman during a weekend “bro tour” the week before the hit was ordered. “Not that a hit was ordered. That ‘tell your boss’ recording that has everybody’s panties in a bunch was really about a football pool. The message was really, tell your boss I collected his winnings.”
“That ‘tell your boss’ recording that has everybody’s panties in a bunch was really about a football pool. The message was really, tell your boss I collected his winnings.”
Asked how he knew this, Kushner replied, “It’s in a top secret report issued to my father-in-law. I get to call him, ‘Big Dog Dad.’” When asked to explain how he saw a top secret report when he has no security clearance, Kushner replied, “Big Dog Dad gave me the master key to the Federal Government. It’s the only way I can read the files and tell him what I think. Since he can trust me more than any of those NSA idiots.”
Kushner also admitted he used the master key to find the hit list he gave bin Salman.
The Haven contacted the White House to learn why Kushner was given a universal master key with no security clearance. Our inside source confided, “At first no one knew. But new Attorney General Whitaker has ruled that Drumpf can veto any law on the books just by disobeying it. It’s in the same article as his ruling on Marbury v. Madison.”
“Whitaker has ruled that Drumpf can veto any law on the books just by disobeying it. It’s in the same article as his ruling on Marbury v. Madison.”
“That wasn’t a legal ruling,” our reporter replied.
“Tell that to Drumpf,” our source sighed. “Try telling anything to Drumpf. The government will pay for your ear drum replacement surgery and he’ll complain about too much goddam health care.”
Jonesing for an additional 45 fix? Check out:
- Allan Ishac
- Steven Rouach
- The White House Log, a roundup of my reporting.
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.
