Humor
Jeff Bezo’s Diary From His First Flight Into Space
The Captain says I have the upper body strength of a 12-year-old girl.
** July 20, 2021 **
[07:00 HOURS GMT] Liftoff uneventful. I went tinkle in my suit, but the astronaut diaper performed admirably. Note to self: Make Amazon warehouse workers and delivery drivers wear astronaut diapers to cut down on bathroom breaks. Deduct diaper cost from wages.
[07:02 HOURS GMT] In space, no one can hear you fart. Maybe that white truffle and gold leaf garnished lobster thermidor served on the washboard abs of a Maxim cover girl last night was a mistake. Note to self: Bring Tums the next time I go into space.
[07:07 HOURS GMT] We are weightless! Oh, the awe-inspiring vastness of the infinite void! It almost makes you believe in a God other than money!
[07:08 HOURS GMT] Bored.
[07:09 HOURS GMT] I wonder if space has that new Amazon warehouse smell? Before the workers start peeing in the corners because I only allow 30-second bathroom breaks.
[07:11 HOURS GMT] I heard the Captain mutter that I have the upper body strength of a 12-year-old girl. Alexa, set a reminder for him to “have an accident” before we land.
[07:15 HOURS GMT] I read that I might be as much as half an inch taller after the flight, but it’s only temporary. Note to self: Manipulate cultural norms to make short sexy.
[07:16 HOURS GMT] Alexa, buy a pyramid.
[07:21 HOURS GMT] *preparing to land* Okay, guys, remember to tell me if Branson and EM are in the crowd, but be cool about it.
