Jeremy, Please Wear a Helmet
The FB Marketplace Annual Charity Ball in Possum Grape, AR
This is the story of “Jeremy” who I met online while I was trying to sell an unsellable motorcycle.
That’s not his real name and it was, in truth, a scooter.
I took photos of its rusty bits and fessed up: it had a lyin’ cheatin’ speedometer.
Nobody read the part that said, “NO LOWBALLS PLEASE.”
If it ain’t a Vespa or a Harley in Arkansas, it’s Chinese commie-pinko crap that will turn you into roadkill, and not the pretty kind like possums.
I discovered it’s virtually impossible to sell a street-legal, rice-burning scooter in this godforsaken state.
After two months of wondering why my Korean Kymco — purchased lightly used for $1500 — was causing me to get messages like:
U get 500 its used.
I wised up.
I was not going to get my money back.
It might take months to sell, but that wasn’t what was preying on my mind.
FB Marketplace was dipping into my dwindling supply of love for humanity. Every speck of bad grammar, imperative voice, and “u” instead of…
