BIBLE STUDY

Jesus and His Publicist Hammer Out the Sermon on the Mount

Mindy, Mindy, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

Blessed are the overeducated, for Trader Joe’s is hiring. — Photo by NATHAN MULLET on Unsplash

Date: 30 AD
TO: Baumgardner and Associates
FROM: Jesus, Son of God
RE. Beatitudes

Hey, Mindy –

It was great seeing you in Cana this weekend. You looked amazing. Sorry you had to leave early just because Matthew can’t hold his wine. But if you guys are happy, I’m happy for you.

Thanks for forwarding the latest draft for tomorrow’s speech. I know Matthew has put a lot of work into this, but I’m afraid it’s still not working for me. The presentation feels soft and off-brand and gets lost in a self-indulgent wine and sandals vibe; WTF are beatitudes?

Also, I’m not wild about ‘Sermon on the mount.’ It sounds vaguely pornographic. Is it too late to book another venue with good visibility and acoustics? Sermon on the beach? In the mall? At the Greek? Etc.

I’ve identified a few other concerns below:

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

I’m not the pro here, but shouldn’t Matthew have opened with a laugh line…