CUTTING THE MUSTARD

Jesus Makes Multitudes of Hot Dogs For Joey Chestnut To Eat

Banned from eating on the 4th of July, Jesus shows his mercy to the competitive eater.

Joey Chestnut, the world-famous competitive eater, revealed he was banned from eating at the Nathan’s Hot Dog Competition this Independence Day, leading to an outpouring of emotion from the crowds.

Jesus Christ said, “I have compassion for these people” and then felt the need to make sure Joey Chestnut had plenty of hot dogs to eat. Jesus usually is the focus when on the Mount, but he relinquishes the attention, to turn it to one man who can really love thy hot dog.

Jesus let groups of 50 and 100 watch Chestnut eat, in an un-televised event. Jesus famously never let anyone televise his events, originally. Chestnut dunks his hot dog buns in water, like John The Baptist in the river of Jordan, to get down more wieners.

They all watched Joey eat and were satisfied, and his disciples picked up twelve baskets full of broken pieces of hot dog buns that were left over. The number of those who watched was about five thousand men, besides women and children.

People are still clamoring for Chestnut to be in the competitive eating world, but where? Jesus’s disciples saw Coney Island and said, “This is a remote place.” He could do more.

Jesus said that the onlookers did not need to go away. He wanted to provide the others a chance to watch Chestnut eat on a new live Netflix eating competition, with fellow meat-eater Takeru Kobayashi.

It was a stroke of marketing genius. Christ said, “I do not want to send them away hungry for more competitive eating challenges, or they may collapse on the way.” People really love their eating heroes, especially in America.

So whether it’s producing a multitude of ballpark franks, or feeding the multitudes their entertainment fix, Jesus can answer people’s prayers, by helping Joey Chestnut eat for the multitudes.