Kindergarten Teacher’s Response to Parents Who Won’t Discipline Their Children
Parents, I’ll tell you everything you want to hear… mostly.
Believe me parents, I get it.
Disciplining your child of five years old is hard, too hard.
It’s beyond human reason to expect you, the sole guardian and caretaker of your child, to feed and clothe your little angel AND to raise it to be a decent human being.
That’s why even though I have 22 other little ones to watch 8 hours a day, 3 with special needs, and a part-time T.A. who may or may not show up to my classroom depending on her availability that week, I would be delighted to do your job for you!
Did I mention that in my state, 24 students in a classroom of 4–5 year-olds legally requires a full-time T.A. to support learning? But my frugal and unavailable administrators are aware of this fact and tactfully assign me one student short of the limit. This ultimately benefits you, because having one student shy of the state limit means I have more space in my classroom for your child’s daily tantrum or catastrophic meltdown.
You can rest assured that if your child cannot sit still to listen to a five minute story, I will use token economies, group rewards, praise, extrinsic motivation, and anything else I learned in college to reinforce behavior that you inconsistently think about possibly enforcing at home.
Don’t worry about calling your child affectionate names like “pukeface” or “stinky” to their face, which they in turn will call other students and hurt their feelings unknowingly, even after I have advised you against it several times. You want to be their friend, I get it. I won’t tell you that you are the adult, and they look to you for boundaries, and for an example of respectful behavior. That’s my job too! And that’s not a problem.
I know some of the other parents have complained about your child hitting and biting others, and I’m so sorry if the office ladies keep pestering you over this behavior. You are the parent, and you have a right to let your child express themselves at the expense of others whenever they feel like it.
Allowing this violent expression to continue will surely make them grow up to be aggressive, anti-social and insecure (if you’re lucky, all three!) and therefore, you will not need to waste time inviting guests to their birthday parties. Think of all the energy you’re saving now by not discipling them, and all the money you will save on social events in the future. It’s a win-win.
I won’t trouble you about homework and nightly reading anymore. You’re right. Your child can’t sit still. Your child doesn’t enjoy reading. Children are too tired after school. I can see your point when you explain how you always ask about assignments right before bed. Of course your child playing age-inappropriate video games, unsupervised, for hours on end would take up all afternoon until bedtime. It’s a no-brainer, really!
I absolutely think it’s best to just give up and not work with me on a solution because that would be work. For you. If there’s one thing you do not need, it’s to work harder. Obviously, we can both see how your child’s behavior and future academic success is not worth any thought or energy from you — so let’s end that discussion right here.
Speaking of ending discussion, I’m unsubscribing you from all those pesky school message apps and emails, because I can tell you really don’t care at all about petty changes of clothes, bullying incidents, lice, or questions from those nosy behavior therapists.
All those unsigned forms crumbled and stained at the bottom of the backpack from the last 50 weeks? I filed those in the “T” file, the trash file, for your convenience. Those flyers for special “School Spirit Events” volunteers hand out at dismissal? I’ve politely asked all volunteers to avoid not only handing you any further paper correspondence, but to avoid any eye contact with you entirely. You’re welcome.
This leads me to my final point. No one has the right to make anyone do anything. Not to wash their hands. Not to say “please” and “thank you.” And especially not to exchange greetings with their teacher and peers. Don’t think the fistfuls of sugary snacks your child came to school clutching were lost on me. I couldn’t agree more. Sweetness belongs in the fist and not in the heart.
I hope this was refreshing from the usual “suggestions,” “agreements,” and “meetings” I must usually bore you with.
I would never, ever expect you to contribute to your child’s future, and discipline them, when all you’re concerned about is making sure they “like you.” Maybe it’s your only child. The one-and-done kid. Maybe it’s your last, and therefore your perpetual, never-can-do wrong “baby.” I hear you. You just want your child to “like you.” Now I get it, but before, where I went wrong is that I used to believe you wanted your child to grow up successfully and be liked by other people too.
