Laughing at My Last Traffic Violation
I Am Turning My Massive Fine Into a Willing Donation to My Beautiful City
I actually found something to laugh about with my last traffic “violation.” Apparently, I ran a red light. I am positive it was yellow, but those damn secret hidden cameras caught me. I wasn’t using my GPS at the time. That’s one bonus of GPS that I just love: it always warns you, in a very calm voice, “Red light camera ahead.” Another tactic I must remember is to cover my license plate with black slime. I know this is technically illegal, but you can always plead innocence that you were driving down a muddy country road the other day.
Like many cities, in my hometown of Ottawa, Canada, the municipal government is heavily in debt. They have to make money somehow, in addition to taxes, and red-light cameras are the easiest way to screw drivers — I mean to obtain necessary funds to maintain our public services. You don’t have to hire a by-law officer to scour the city for cars parked illegally. The computer does all the work.
Then what did I have to laugh about with my $325 ticket? They mailed me three pictures of my car. Stopped at the light. Going through the red light. And the picture of my license plate. Holy crap! I can’t believe it! That’s my car! They caught me!
They give you two options: plead guilty or go to court. But they have all the evidence. It would be like catching a thief red-handed with a loads of laptops in his arms as he bursts out from Best Buy at 3 a.m. The evidence is in his hands. How is he going to plead not guilty?
They catch you red-handed at a red-light (is that a usable metaphor?) and mail you the evidence with pictures of your car. What are you going to do? Go to court and say, “That’s not my car.” Or “Someone else was driving it.” No. Guilty, guilty, guilty.
I personally hate the legal language of “plead guilty.” It’s like they’re trying to make you feel bad in addition to giving you a ticket. When you receive a regular parking ticket, the options are to pay on-line, pay by cheque, or pay in person. Or go to a minor “court” for parking tickets. No mention of guilt. Why couldn’t they do the same with red light tickets and be nice about it? Say something like, “This is your car running a red light.” Then give you two boxes to check: agree or disagree.
So, I let go of my guilt for being imperfect and making a minor mistake. And I try to see the positive — I am making a donation to my beautiful city. We do receive services after all. We have very efficient snow removal in winter and street cleaning in summer, for example.
But in the future, I will be much more diligent, using my GPS even for a five-minute drive. Those blasted spy cameras will never catch me again. And I can be at peace with those bastards who are out to get me — I mean the wonderful civic employees keeping us safe and enhancing the quality of life in our city.
