Let’s Not Be Laura
She’s Not Resigning Her Position Any Time Soon — If She Waits Long Enough, She’ll Be Giving the Holiday Snaps Lecture to Next Year’s Cohort
For the third or fourth week in a row,
Laura has stayed under the duvet in her room,
Surfacing only when she’s sure that the rest of the studes
Have left for their lectures.
But she’s not just up for Paul and Pippa’s Post-It labelled food in the fridge,
The same fridge with the big “Keep Out Laura!” laminated sign on its door.
She’s up because she’s heard the voices,
Fi and Toby talking about their plan for the day,
When they should be enduring Sheila’s Holiday Snaps lecture.
But they’ve been warned off Sheila’s Holiday Snaps lecture,
By every other group who’ve ever had to suffer it.
They’re Grade-A students; they know they can do better,
And perhaps they have views about student fees,
And what they ought to receive in place of Sheila,
Poor unsupervised post-doc that she is,
Sympathetic though they are that the girl’s not being paid
For the contempt she receives from the cohort.
Fi and Toby, they’re going to the Big Smoke,
They’re going to the museums,
To the South Bank, to the National, to the BFI;
They’re going to attend more soundly to their learning
Than the University ever does.
And this Laura cannot stand.
So she stands there, fridge door in hand,
Pippa’s yoghurt opened and Paul’s oat milk decanted,
And she tells them both how the Uni is going to clamp down
On those who play truant,
And how they ought to be careful,
In case they get “chucked off” the course.
Fi and Toby don’t know Laura has done this before,
Every time she’s aware that anyone plans a skive,
Even though the advice she gives,
Is the advice she fears,
And knows she’s failing to hear
Even as she hears it.
Of course she does.
It’s why she can barely get up anymore.
There’s another lesson for Fi and Toby here.
Another not covered by their 9 grand a year fees.
Let’s not be Laura.
Even if it ought to be obvious that,
Just like their failure to check Sheila’s lecture plans,
Laura’s going to get away with her duvet-based studies
For some time to come.
