Lilly execs found celebrating around high security insulin pool

INDIANAPOLIS — In celebration of record profits, Eli Lilly and Company treated top executives and their families to a day of summer fun around the company’s recently-dug insulin pool. Revenue of the pharmaceutical giant reached just over $22 billion in 2017, and top employees did not go without a thank you.

“This year’s blowout reminds me of the Zyprexa days,” remarked Michael J. Harrington, Senior Vice President and General Counsel, as he stretched goggles over his head before diving into the deep end.

Lobbyists representing the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America (PhRMA) along with Health and Human Services Secretary, Alex Azar, were spotted snorting Prozac off the diving board as other guests guffawed at a slideshow of GoFundMe accounts created by American type 1 diabetics.

At press time, tons of dirtied insulin product from the party were set to be dumped in the headquarters’ parking lot.