Lyrics to “Fancy” if written by a Small-Town Retiree

With apologies to Iggy Azalea (original lyrics and video Here )

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

First things first, I’m on the retired list
Dropped the career, but the world won’t notice
’Cause I was in the bricks-and-mortar Bizness
I slow down, volunteer drivin’ seniors to clinics
Take my wife, Honey, on little road trips
And the grandkids on picnics
Drop ’em off, then write a few limericks

I’m not fancy
You already know
I’m in the right lane
On the beltway to Costco

I’m not fancy
Love volunteerin’ at the tractor museum, Yo
Wearin’ my John Deere hat like a pro
Polish them wheels ‘n fenders, make them glow-oh-oh

Bowl of grapes, cup of juice, plate of grits
Cheap meals, pension worth half a ticket, I wish (I wish)
Takin’ all the Bud Light straight, never chase that
Honey and I drink screw-top wine and take our coffee black
Bring the fish hooks ‘n pole, where the bass at?
No champagne swillin, only beer in the budget

I’m not fancy
Coffee at the café with my bros
I’m in the express lane
At the Walmart, Yo

I’m not fancy
Like to think I’m head of the household
But Honey reminds me to shovel snow from our bungalow
Lower back pain, oh-oh-oh

I worked hard all my life, didn’t question it, thought you knew this
I got paid money on time, not much, but never got behind
And swear I could happily watch my life on rewind
My life not curated, got no reason to whine

Now tell me, who that, who that?
That do that, do that?
Paid real paper for new overalls, thought you should know that
I’m kinda of fancy, why? Got my boots resoled
I was working, now retired, need to change my clothes

Honey and I take short road trips
We crash at the Motel 6
Can’t get drunk, there’s no minibar
Make the phone call
Uber Eats getting what we want
Yeah, gettin’ crazy and exorbitant
Dinner from McDonald’s, I don’t give a fuck
Upsize, yeah, I’m deluxe
Classic meal, inexpensive, just a few bucks

I’m not fancy
But still steady, you gotta know
I don’t have a vain vein
I’m Honey’s low-budget Romeo

I’m not fancy
You already know
Think I’m head of the household
Until I get a wicked man-cold