Anna Jadow
The Haven
Published in
2 min readJun 29, 2023


Outlook not so good that your toddler will eat the meal he asked for.

Without a doubt, your toddler will wipe grandma’s kiss off his cheek, and grandma will be MAD.

I predict that you will sleep on the floor next to your toddler’s bed for the next two years.

As I see it, no, he will not drink from the new sippy cups or eat off the blue plate.

Don’t count on him actually going to sleep the first seven times you “put him to bed.”

Sources say your toddler will not share his toys when Jack comes over to play.

Signs point to yes — he will have a tantrum at daycare drop-off, in the supermarket on the way home, and while brushing his teeth before bed.

Better not tell you now, but he will teach his friends all the curse words.

As I see it, yes, he will unwrap all of the birthday presents you buy for his friends.

Ask again later if he will ever poop in the potty.

Don’t count on him not telling his teachers who you voted for.

You may rely on the fact that he will be obsessed with Cocomelon and Baby Shark, and you will go insane.

It is certain that he is not trying to strangle his baby brother — he is succeeding.

It is decidedly so: he will repeatedly scream “bagina!” on a crowded flight.

There is no chance he won’t tell his friends that Santa and the Tooth Fairy aren’t real.

It is doubtful that he will cure cancer but since that’s his only hope of getting into an Ivy, you might want to hire a science tutor ASAP.



Anna Jadow
The Haven

I say things 🙈 Words in HuffPost, The Belladonna Comedy, Little Old Lady, MuddyUm, Frazzled, The Haven, Scary Mommy, Sammiches