Make Your Stuff Sizzle: Punch Up Your Neighborhood “For-Sale” Social Media Posts with Product Descriptions that are Fire

The first blades of grass are prepping for their yearly trampling as neighbors whip themselves into yard-sale shape. But how do you move all your useless stuff off the lawn fast? Why not take a page from ecommerce? Start with the internet, before placing a single item on the lawn. Write knock-out product descriptions for your items and post them in weekly/hourly cycles to the neighborhood social media sites. Watch the action on your posts fly! Here are a few templates to get you started:

1. The Exercise Bike with a Sweat Mark on the Seat that Won’t Go Away=Personalized Stationary Bike: Mark your territory while burning calories with this exciting stationary bike with special marking. There will be no waiting in line to exercise on this bike! Friends and family members will step aside to give you the star treatment. Special marking is approximately 3-inches wide by 4-inches high. (Please note: width is measured across the bottom of the special mark).

2. Air Fryer with Egg Batter Stuck to the Base=Aromatic Air Fryer. Capture the full-bodied aroma of cooking food! A special, food substance has been infused right onto the cooking mechanisms. As your food cooks, the distinct aroma from the special substance adds powerful “wafting” technology that enhances the entire culinary experience.

3. A Jungle-Themed Shower Curtain, Slightly Ripped=Jungle-Themed Interactive Shower Curtain. Get wild with this Jungle-Themed Interactive Shower Curtain! Recreate a steamy rainforest in your bathroom as mists of water get sprinkled onto the coordinating bathmat (Included!). A patented, peek-a-boo “rain cloud” interacts with anything that gets within 2–3 feet of the shower curtain, which makes for even more realistic fun.

Sure, there are more things stuffed in the closets and drawers that need an enticing description but start with just a few and work your way up to the big stuff, like the side-gig you want to drop, like this: Check in for adventure as a night desk clerk at the Sands of the Winds and Desert Mountains on a Budget Boutique Hotel. Fill your empty weekends and listless nights with exciting interaction with daring strangers on the go. Learn the various methods people use to pay for rooms, play lost-and-found lingerie dart games in the manager’s office, discover what people wear to a breakfast buffet, and what it takes to convert the ordinary outdoor pool into a mystery-themed crime scene. Positions opening quickly and always.