Man Who Says He’s “Old Enough to Be Girl’s Father” Mysteriously Hit By Car
63 year old Thomas Goldsmith was minding his business at a local dive bar in Cincinnati when 24 year old Natalie Shaffer and her group of friends walked in through the doors and started playing pool. Thomas thought to himself, “I will no longer mind my own business”.
He decided to join their game of pool and ask Natalie if she wanted a few tips and tricks. Despite Natalie saying no, Thomas was still eager to help because “I’m drinking in a bar alone, so clearly my authority is valid”. Thomas said that he was previously in the marines, so he knew a lot about the game. Natalie had competed in the World Pool Championship that prior year and placed 4th in the entire world, but Goldsmith said that wasn’t a “real competition” because the threat of death wasn’t present. He then asked Natalie how old she was, and when she said she was 24, he eagerly replied, “Wow, I’m old enough to be your father. I’m sure you would get along very well with my actual daughters. You lovely ladies look strikingly similar”.
Thomas then attempted to grab Natalie’s arms and hands in order to “show her how the boys play”. She kicked him in his soft, tiny cock, only worsening his erectile dysfunction and likely his marriage. Thomas stormed out of the bar in a fit of anger, disappointing no one. As he exited the bar and went to cross the street, a car hit him Regina George style, making sure he could never play pool again. If you look closely in the windows of the car, you can see that Sofia Coppola, Gloria Steinem, and Beyoncé are riding in the car with the ghost of Susan B. Anthony driving and holding a gun.
