Musk Maidens Knocked Out In The Early Rounds
Mars 2122, The Cup Final
Bezos Belles versus Branson Beauties
Of course, football on Mars has its problems.
First, there is no breathable atmosphere and so the players wear oxygen packs on their backs, and huge face masks with floppy tubing. This doesn’t make running easy, and games are played at a slow pace.
Second there is no real flat space, and so the game is played by running, well, trudging, up mountains and down schisms in the rock, and then there’s the dust. Martian dust is both toxic and very light so that once disturbed, it can take a month to settle which means the games take a while to complete.
The temperature is another problem. During the summer the temperature on Mars is about minus 80 degrees F. In winter temperatures can get down to minus 195 degrees F. Games are played in the summer months to take advantage of the heat.
You may wonder why the teams are all girls.
Mars is split into three zones, Muskville, Bezosmetropolis and Bransonburgh and during the great tripartite wars of the last decade, all the men were killed.
Back in the old Earth days the Bezos people did their best to ensure that there were several budding Mozarts and Einsteins in their selected groups, as they took off from the smouldering wreckage of Earth, a planet once lush and green.
But it turned out the algorithm had a glitch and what they got was a selection of Marketeers and Electrical gadget salesmen, so that rather than create beautiful music, and expand on E=mc2, the Bezosmetropolis men attacked the two other sections to try and gain commercial dominance over the marketing and sale of consumer products.
This was a strange thing to do, as there were really no consumer products to market, but once an aggressive marketing man, always an aggressive marketing man.
It is going to take some time for the stored frozen semen, impregnated into all eligible women, to do its stuff and a whole new generation of men emerges.
Back in the old days, a century ago, before Mars was first populated, Bezos explained there is a primal urge to escape our origins and reach for the next horizon and that space travel was the natural extension of this. It’s the crowning jewel of capitalism, he said. Further and faster is its frontier creed.
And so, the 3 billionaires came to the conclusion that Earth was too small for humans. They watched as fires and drought and pollution destroyed the Earth, and they planned for the future. There was no place left to go but up.
It didn’t seem to occur to them that it would make great sense to just look after Earth, but they were the ones with all the money and so what they say went.
Next week, football scores from Mars with added Martian popcorn.
It’s just the same as normal popcorn, but frozen. And toxic. And truly fucking awful.
