Meaning of “Until Bombs Drop” Revealed
Code created for President’s handlers and not American public
October 19, 2017
Secretary of State Rex Tillerson dropped his own bomb Sunday when he told CNN reporter Jake Tapper that the current administration would continue to pursue diplomatic efforts with Pyongyang “until the first bomb drops.” It was only this morning that White House staffers confirmed the comment was code referring to the President himself.
Since that broadcast, newscasters, commentators and talking heads have spent as much time analyzing what Tillerson meant as they spend on one of the President’s cryptic tweets. Snopez.com reported that Tillerson’s comment was discussed on 227 national broadcasts on twenty media networks. The coverage moved Tillerson’s comment into tenth place, ahead of the President’s November, 2015 comment: “There should be a lot of systems, beyond databases.”
As of yesterday, Tillerson refused to clarify his comment, a stance consistent with his refusal to verify that he called the President a moron. The closest he has come was his comment to MSBNC reporter Rachal Maddow, “A fact is a fact. Why verify facts?”
According to White House officials who spoke with The Haven only under condition of anonymity, the phrase “bombs fall” is a coded warning to other staff members that the President found the nuclear codes they’d been hiding from him.
Mad Sunday scramble to retrieve lost codes
According to a source in the State department, Tillerson’s phrase “until the bombs fall” was a signal to his staff that the location of the launch codes had been compromised. The State Department Intelligence Liaison immediately drove to the White House with a recently employed blonde intern to distract the President while Secret Service members hid the codes again.
It was only after he delivered the critical coded message that Secretary Tillerson realized Tapper and CNN’s Sunday morning audience might interpret his statement to mean war is coming. A Tillerson aide suggested, “It would be like having the codeword “fire” to alert staff the President is coming down the hall, and then having to shout it when the Marines are holding loaded weapons.”
White House officials verified that Tillerson ordered staff members to hide the codes immediately following the first official intelligence briefing, when the President said to CIA analysts, “I have these codes to launch nukes on my desk. Why can’t I just dial them in? Seems like a waste to build all those nukes and never use them.”
Secretaty Tillerson first became alarmed when the President said to CIA analysts, “I have these codes to launch nukes on my desk. Why can’t I just dial them in? Seems like a waste to build all those nukes and never use them.”
For the rest of the meeting the President continued to return the discussion to the unlaunched ICBMs, comparing them to “hotel rooms you never rent,” “ordering thousands of my steaks and never eating them,” and “having all these hot looking babes working for the White House and never grabbing their pussies.”
After the last comparison, Vice President Pence called Kellyanne Conway, who spirited the President away for another session on harassment in the workplace. (See the related story “President issues Executive Order banning sexual harassment and anger management workshops” published this June.)
Close call averted with a phone call
The Haven was able to confirm from multiple sources that Tillerson’s code phrase “bombs fall” literally means “the moron accidentally found the launch codes again.” Staff members consider it a good sign that the President has found the codes only twice since the Secretary initiated the plan, and both times were by accident.
Secretary Tillerson suggested a policy of “hide in plain sight” to keep the codes from the President’s hands. The codes were stashed in a blue file folder along with a report titled, “Boring Budget Numbers You Really Should Read” and left on his desk. The President routinely brushes the folder aside several times daily.
The President noticed the codes once in March when he was looking for an executive order he misplaced and on Sunday, when he opened the folder by accident and mistook the codes for a Sudoku puzzle. Tillerson was phoned about the crisis just before he sat down with Tapper for the interview.
The President found the hidden nuclear launch codes Sunday, when he opened their folder by accident and mistook them for a Sudoku puzzle.
The first crisis was solved when the real executive order was put in the President’s hands and the second after a volunteer employee distracted him. The volunteer, a blonde intern from Georgetown University, resigned immediately after her meeting with the President. Her compensation package is reported to be eight figures.
Frequently expressed theories
Until this morning’s revelation, three theories had taken the lead as the most likely explanations for Tillerson’s cryptic statement:
- The White House believes war is inevitable and is only pursuing diplomacy to draw out the drama until the 2017 season finale.
- The comment was an accidental slip in which Tillerson revealed the Season Finale cliffhanger when bombs drop but the nation won’t know how the war turns out until the opening episode of Season 2 in 2018.
- The President demanded the Tillerson regain face for his “moron” faux pas by aping the President’s tendency to speak with cryptic forecasts that come to nothing.
As to the first two theories, every military expert and diplomat in the world agrees Kim Jong Un isn’t stupid enough or crazy enough to launch his only nuclear weapon. When asked if they feel that way about our President, experts clear their throats and change the subject.
As to the third, a few Washington insiders told The Haven that the “bombs away” code story could be yet another distraction by Trump. Tomorrow the President will make Secretary Tillerson announce the “bombs away” code story was a private joke he should never have shared with reporters.
The Haven’s sources admitted they wouldn’t put it past the President to make Tillerson walk the story back, but that would only prove the factual basis of the story. Until then the codes have been moved to Melania’s bedroom, the one place he never goes.
This article is written in compliance with my new policy to no longer mention the President’s name since he loves it when anyone, even critics, say it. #boring45