HUMOR
Medium for Dummies !
How to get followers on Medium
If you are a dummy, you are at the right place. If you are not a dummy, don’t you dare forget your roots !
I never understood why experts write for dummies, only a dummy can understand another dummy, so here I am.
First things first, if you are new to Medium, you would need followers, the ones that follow till death parts you apart or even better find the ones that can follow post death.
Let’s understand how to get followers and also the different kinds of followers.
The ones that can’t escape
They are gonna read your worst writings sorry first writings, so choose wisely. Parents, siblings, your dog, basically anyone who loves you should do the trick.
Your junior colleagues would also do. If they don’t follow or read your work, don’t help them at work !
The fate has bestowed upon them the gift of your writing, the one that can’t be returned or taken back no matter how much they pray. So they have to fulfil their duties !
The “So called Friends”
Pick the ones who bullied you when you were at school, these rascals gotta pay at some point. Karma may not be a bitch but these guys are ! Write funny stories centred around them and make sure to tag.
After all, people are curious about what others think, so they will either follow or read. The moment they think they are off the hook, write about them again.
The Copy cats
They are the easier bunch, they follow if you follow, highlight if you highlight, totally lacking original thought like some of my stories.
When there is nothing to highlight, they highlight prepositions and adverbs which will make you wonder if those were grammatical errors, but they mean well. So follow them and they will follow you back.
The Dangling followers or the lost puppies
I like to call them the dangling followers because they seem lost and never seem to make up their mind.
They read one of your stories, clap to them, follow you and immediately unfollow only to come back and clap a few days later.
I think they run the stock markets. How else can we explain the volatility if not for these chaps ?
May be they are seeking our attention with this erratic behaviour, we never know. I’m not gonna give it to you fellas. Follow them at your own risk.
The loyal bunch
Once you write a few articles, you will find these people. The name says it all. These folks read, highlight and clap 50 times even to your worst articles.
They are the Messiahs of Medium. If you meet them in real life, marry them. I am single, by the way.
I am not talking about you, you satanic non reader/follower ! I am going to deal with you in my next article.
Not a Disclaimer : All the characters described above are real and any resemblance to the living or dead is purely intentional.
Note : Now don’t go and check my followers, a doctor can’t operate himself, similarly I can’t take my own advice and increase my followers !
Taking Satirical articles seriously is injurious to your health !
Special Thanks to Ann James and Srini for the guidance and the constant support.
