Melania Trump Launches First Initiative

And it’s even better than we had hoped.

Melania Trump made a rare visit to the White House today to formally launch her first program as First Lady.

President Trump was on hand for the occasion, beaming with pride.

"This plan is going to fix everything so good you won't believe it. She's such a great wife. So, so smart. I've been thinking of asking her to move in with me."

Melania’s new program, a partnership between the Executive Branch, the GOP, and the NRA, is called "Shoot Yourself In The Foot And Blame A Democrat,” according to the White House.

Kellyanne Conway explained how this new program will really make America great again.

"So you buy a gun. Then, you take it home and shoot yourself in the foot with it. Then you blame a Democrat. The gun industry wins. Republicans win. Democrats win too because everyone will need health insurance. Win win win."

Conway then added “Self inflicted injuries and spite will continue to be the hallmark of every aspect of this administration.”

When pressed for comment, Donald Trump was quick to remind the audience "shooting yourself in the foot and blaming Democrats? I invented that."

(In case it needs to be said, this is satirical. Quotes are not real.)