Member of Extinct Middle-Class Spotted in Connecticut
Sighting raises hopes that the species can make a comeback
A Middle-Class American was sighted in Connecticut this week, decades after the species was declared extinct in the US. Sociologists are hailing the find as a major discovery.
The male mammal is around 40 years of age and appears to be in good health according to eyewitnesses. He was seen wandering near an abandoned shopping mall foraging for cheeseburgers, his natural prey.
“We are absolutely thrilled,” said Dr. Magnus Peeper, Professor of Sociology at Dire Straits University, Stepford, CT. “We think he might have migrated from northern New York State where the species has managed to survive in a few remote suburban communities.”
Sociologists are hoping that the male has a female partner, and the couple will establish a family in the state. An intense search for a female Middle-Class American is underway.
The American Middle-Class population thrived in the United States during the last century but suffered a sharp decline as the jobs and paychecks they depended on migrated to other countries. As earnings became too meager to live on and the American Dream — a staple of their lives — became a mirage, the species disappeared. Much of the suburban territory that is their natural habitat is now a wasteland. Urban centers where the species used to roam freely have been colonized by herds of real estate predators. This latter phenomenon is commonly known as gentrification.
The location of the sighting is being kept secret over fears that the lone mammal will be captured by political bounty hunters.
