Middle-Aged Tour Guide Tired of Looking and Feeling Like an ‘Overdressed Asshole’ Displays Signs of Alcoholism and Burn-Out
Florida. Thomas Weller, 47, gave a perfect tour of the Clarkview Historical Village, a carefully designed and nearly perfect replica of an 1890s town, right before displaying signs of severe alcoholism and burn-out last week.
Complete with log houses, a blacksmith shop, a one-room schoolhouse, barns, a tavern, a general store, a church, and even an old newspaper office, Clarkview Historical Village remains an extremely popular tourist destination throughout the year.
As guests and visitors marvel at old-fashioned buildings as well as wonderful sights, professional tour guides dressed like real townspeople from the time period lead them through the village and provide detailed explanations of what life was actually like during the late 19th Century.
After successfully giving an amazing tour to over 50 people, Weller told reporters that he is tired of looking and feeling like an overdressed asshole and that he would rather “die a cold, painful, and meaningless death than to give another pointless tour of the shitty-looking, puke-inducing, fake fucking village.”
“I can’t believe I’m middle-aged and still doing this shit,” Thomas said while lighting up a cigarette. “I get laid off from my factory job every fall, so I end up working here and dressing up like a complete asshole for 13 dollars an hour just to pay the bills,” he explained.
“God Damnit!” he added.
Thomas proceeded to thoroughly complain about the fact that he has to dress up like a person from the 1890s while giving the tours. He even offered colorful descriptions of the clothing that included words like ‘hot, itchy, pathetic, and stupid.’
After spending 30 minutes describing a miserable divorce he recently went through as well as ranting about the fact that his seasonal job offers no medical, dental, or retirement benefits, Thomas then pointed his finger at the tavern while claiming it was the only building that mattered.
“The tavern is the only important building. Other than that, there is an ugly schoolhouse, a pathetic church next to it, a general store filled with boring crap they used to sell back then, a newspaper office that sucks, some barns that smell like shit, and a bridge that lonely people could hide underneath while masturbating. Yeah, it’s all really fucking amazing,” he concluded.
When the interview was over, Weller begged a lead reporter to run him over with a truck.
